So, I have a couple of small lessons to share today, lessons that will have no practical application in your lives, and which are actually not lessons at all, but complaining about my own life. I've got it down to a science, really.

LESSON ONE: If you are not a songwriter, avoid getting into a songwriting contest with someone who is a songwriter, and who also has his own radio show and a potentially vindictive streak. This seems like it'd be easy to avoid, and yet owing to my competitive and illogical nature, it was not. My friend Al, who is a songwriter and has been for many years, called me recently to say he wanted to use the title of a fictional song I'd mentioned in an entry. Feeling simultaneously generous and selfish, I decided I would also write a song by the same title, and essentially challenged him to a musical duel. (Note: Not really a duel.) So, he finished his song, and then performed it in public, which put pressure on me to finish mine by the deadline of last Friday.

Feeling under the gun, I finished it, scribbling the lyrics on a notepad, and figuring out the chords on a Spanish folk guitar the Keelhauler brought home. (Bonus: it was slightly out of tune, which I did not bother to correct.) I recorded a long, rambling introduction, mostly a warning not to laugh at how terrible my musicianship is, and then played the song, burned a CD, and sent it off to Al.

When I told him I'd sent it, he got all excited, and said he was going to play it on the radio. I stopped short in the parking lot of the video store, where I was heading to return "The Big Sleep," and told him that he would most certainly NOT want to play the song on the radio. There was a brief silence, and he asked, slyly, "You already mailed it, right?"

The loss of control is a terrible feeling. Most of us go to great lengths to avoid it, and for good reason, like the fact that retaining control can prevent people from playing your amateurish tapes on the radio, and announcing your name as the author and performer.

LESSON TWO: I can't remember what the second lesson was. I got all caught up in angst over how my song isn't going to be as good as Al's, and how he's a way better guitarist, and forgot what I was going to write.

Let's just say the second lesson is: When you have a thought you deem important, make note of it somewhere, for future reference.

And now, here is a picture of a spotty kitten:

Star of the day. . .Katherine Kuhlman