So stated my horoscope today and damn, if it wasn�t the perfect message for me. Thank you, anonymous horoscope writer! You are really doing a bang-up job for us Libras.

And speaking of Libras, I had recently decided to fire John Krasinski from his post as Imaginary Boyfriend #2, owing to his appearance in a film with Robin Williams. I mulled the matter over last night before retiring, only to meet John in a long, involved dream that involved kissing!!! Sorry. I�m still a little giddy from the experience. At any rate, I�m pleased to have received a horoscope sanctioning the retreat into dream world.

I did use the experience today as a powerful source of inspiration, and now I will tell you how. I got a call from a production manager at our local TV station�the cable access kind�wanting to do a piece on our company�s recent decision to ban bottled water from our meetings. When the ban occurred, I went out and bought two plastic pitchers, which I fill with ice and lemon slices before adding tap water. Apparently, word has spread about my ingenious creation, which is admittedly the most clever idea since Michelangelo invented the car alarm, because TV was calling, wanting my secrets.

My boss called me in for a conference on the matter. �What image are you going for?� he asked me. I hadn�t given it much thought, except for applying eyeliner, but drawing from my dream as inspiration, I answered, �Michael Scott,� who is the boss on The Office, like you didn�t know, and went into a really stellar Michael Scott impression that left my own boss cold.

Shot down, I decided to go for a Pam Beesley. It went a little something� like THIS�

�Corporate sent word that we were no longer allowed to use bottled water. So I stopped using bottled water. And now I use pitchers of water.�

(I know: I am gifted at the art of Pam Beesley impersonation.)

My boss admired my impression, and so heartened, I decided to try for Dwight K. Schrute.

�FACT: The average body is seventy-five percent water. FACT: A lemon is eighty-THREE percent water. Is a lemon purer than the human body? For most people, yes. I, however, have trained my body to retain eighty-FIVE percent water so that I may be purer than all water and purer than the lemon. This is how I maintain a superior mind and the strength of three men. Strong men.�

In the end, I went with my own self, except without the heavy-metal high notes, maniacal grinning, or showing-off of tattoo. The film crew was very pleased with the props I had created for the vignette: frosty pitchers of icy water and lemon slices, extra lemon slices fanned out on a cutting board, a giant knife with a serrated blade, totally unsuited to the task of slicing lemons� We went through the interview, then filmed a segment of me performing the mystical set of steps required to end up with a pitcher of lemony water. I think it�s safe to say that Martha Stewart should watch her back, because clearly, my career is on the rise.

In other news, I got a call from my good friend Al Perry, who was just passing Rincon Point and wanted to know if I could have lunch early. I haven�t seen Al in three years, and he was passing through on his way from Tucson to San Francisco, so suffice it to say I dropped what I was doing (my nails) and headed out the door. He and his good friend Gina picked me up and we all went to sit at Pierre LaFond on State Street and enjoy the ridiculous California-ness of the strawberry-and-frilly-lettuce garnishes on all our food.

We talked about music, and the songs Al and I each wrote, with the same title: Call Me (When You�re Old Enough to Drink). And the band Gina manages (Ryanhood). And a whole lot of other stuff. I didn�t want to go back to work, but I had my great interview coming up, so I had to bail, and Al and Gina headed on up the coast.

Al is coming back here to play a show in Ventura on Saturday, so if you�re in town, you should not miss it! He�s playing at Bernadette�s on Main Street, and I highly recommend attending. I will make you some special lemon water to entice you�

So, based on how excellently everything has turned out today, I�m considering reinstating John Krasinski as an Imaginary Boyfriend. Anyone can make a bad movie with Robin Williams, right? I mean, no one holds the one I made against me (much).

AND, in other news, in this long and disjointed post today, there is a THIRD sign in the window of the house I passed the other day! I saw it this morning. It says something like WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???? and I will admit to a phantom guilt that the writer was addressing me personally, in reaction to my comments here. Because of course Crazy Sign Scribbler reads my online journal.

I will gather evidence and report back.