My reluctance to leave my warm bed this morning was justified when, stepping out onto the deck of the boat, I found a thin sheet of ice glossing the port side, where some condensation had formed in the night. I tapped at it with the toe of my shoe to make certain it was ice, pushing a shard into the thin layer of water below it. It�s been a long time since I�ve lived anywhere that experiences a regular freeze. In fact, the iciest thing I�ve seen in a while is the glare I got last Christmas from my cousin Emily, who disapproved of the silver-and-gold platform shoes I was wearing.

�Aren�t you coveting Violet�s shoes?� my aunt had asked her, likely knowing what the answer would be.

Emily turned toward me with a slow blink, and said, �No� in a flat tone that left no doubt that she was serious.

Disapproval: the gift that keeps on giving! I think I�ll wear those shoes again this Christmas. In fact, I think I�ll wear them every day until then, like my own little Advent calendar. I can glue on another rhinestone every day until December 25th, and the resulting gleam will temporarily blind Emily, rendering her unable to criticize me. Perhaps I will choreograph a subtle yet intricate dance routine to Styx�s �Best of Times,� attended by lithe, handsome men who will wriggle beside me, waving sparklers that cause the rhinestones on my shoes to flash and sparkle. While the assembled family is stunned into mute blindness, my attendants and I will abscond with the presents, and drive en masse down to the shore, where we will drink hot buttered rum by a bonfire and dance into the night. I will invite my aunt, because, although her comment inadvertently spurred the entire production, she would enjoy the experience, I think.

Isn�t it great how I have all these things worked out? I think so, too.

Another thing I am trying to work out, as is my nature as trend-spotter, is: Now that everyone has been saturated with the pirate theme�pirates, pirates, everything pirates--what will be the next trend? Of course, living in a marina as I do, I will always be surrounded by people who embrace the Jolly Roger. However, those for whom piracy is a fad deserve to know the next chapter in popular culture, as regards costumes, party themes, and trendy drinks. One can consume only so much rum while wearing an eye patch before the experience begins to pall.

I thought about this on the way to work this morning, looking out over the highway to the blue and rippled sea, and came up with a couple of ideas. Determining the next trend is not an easy task: there are many facets to it, and unlike coming up with a Halloween costume, it requires careful consideration of long-term effects on popular culture and home d�cor. This type of trend requires also both male and female roles, and the opportunity for Johnny Depp to portray one of its number in a major motion picture.

With that in mind, here are a couple of trends that will be worthy of mass adoption in the near future:

Oil Platform Worker (Rig Hand)

Don�t roll your eyes at me, especially not on the first suggestion on my list. Oil platforms provide a spectacular atmosphere, combining raw functionality with a kind of post-apocalyptic grit. Life is hard out on the oil platform, where the elements conspire to batter and bash the steel frame of the structure, and the men and women party just as hard! (I guess.) The attire: dark blue jumpsuits featuring the wearer�s name embroidered on the breast pocket. Steel-toed boots. Hard hats covered in a variety of oil-company-related stickers. Their drink of choice: Night train and orange juice. It�s called the Roustabout. I just made it up, but you are going to love it! The nice thing about the costume is that it�s unisex, but women have the additional choice of adopting the dress of either a Galley Chef or Platform Hooker. (I assume there are Platform Hookers. But even if there aren�t, you could dress as one anyway, because you are SASSY.) Party activities could include Swimming Pool Oil Spill Clean-Up and Bobbing for Hydrogen Sulfide.

Johnny Depp vehicle: SLICK -- Rig hand Chester Bell uncovers corruption at the heart of the oil industry, but is he willing to risk his life and betray his friends to fight for his right to wear lacy underwear beneath his cover-alls?

Mad Scientist

Familiar, but not overdone, the field of mad science is largely underrepresented in the world of theme parties. Think of the possibilities! Even ruling out mundane mad scientists like Dr. Brown from �Back to the Future,� there are thousands of possibilities for costuming and evil experimentation fun. Dry ice, fright wigs and white lab coats are the order of the day for both sexes, and the options for cocktail hour leap exponentially with the addition of the elements from the periodic table and a vial or two of acid. Bumper sticker ideas: Caution! Driver mutating into an inhuman fiend! or Honk if you love playing God! Jimmy Buffett might not write a song about this theme, which can be seen only as a benefit.

Johnny Depp vehicle: MAD! -- Chemistry graduate student Chad Berwick uncovers his mentor�s plot to dump chemicals into the water supply of a major metropolitan city, to turn all the residents into great blue herons. Is he willing to risk his life and possibly forfeit an advanced degree in order to save a bunch of people who�ve ostracized him for his rebellious ways and tight-fitting trousers?

Philatelist

I think everyone�s a bit tired of the drunken acrobatics of belligerent seafarers, and will embrace a quieter group: the gentle stamp collector. Their reticent nature doesn�t mean that the parties have to end, though! Guys should invest in a good polyester leisure suit with pants just slightly too short, while gals should look for double-knit A-line skirts and home-made crocheted vests in variegated harvest tones. (The racier partygoer can opt simply for a few strategically placed stamps, accessorized with a magnifying glass, and call their costume good.) The drinks should be surreptitious and potent�say, a flask of whisky, or absinthe in a water bottle. Games should be limited to criticizing others� stamp collections and covert assignations in the coat closet.

Johnny Depp vehicle: STUCK! -- Curtis Benchmont, master philatelist, uncovers a plot by rival philatelists to flood the international stamp market with phony two-cent stamps, thereby creating a situation that no one, anywhere cares about in any way. Is he willing to risk his life to do something that will create enough drama to open this film on a holiday weekend in at least three major markets?

I�ll keep you posted as these trends develop.

Star of the day. . .Alvin Tostig