1. Attend the Tsunami Victims Benefit Concert! It's this Sunday, so you still have time to fit it into your schedule. According to the press release, local musicians are getting together to play music that will somehow benefit the victims of the "devastating tsunami." Maybe the victims will be at the concert, or maybe the musicians will plan to send a tape of the concert (or, let's be modern: a CD) to Sri Lanka, for public broadcast. Otherwise, I do not really see how this concert will benefit them, as (again, according to the press release), admission to the concert is FREE. (I guess it's really just a benefit to us, the locals who can attend the concert, giving us an opportunity to think about how much we care about our seaside brothers and sisters across the miles.)

2. Be part of the "red human heart" experience! To show how much this community cares, call has gone out for 3,000 people to show up at the city college stadium wearing red shirts, to "form a huge human red heart with a white border." So, I guess some people should plan to wear white shirts that day. Anyway, doesn't a "human heart" have like, blue veins or arteries or something? Maybe some of you should wear navy. The giant human heart was dreamed up by a couple of locals while sitting on their parents' couch (according to the press release). There they were, sitting around, when suddenly "We decided that we need to do something personally to make a difference for the people suffering from the tsunami that destroyed millions of lives." So, you know, "giant human heart" probably followed naturally from there. Although there's no mention of it, I'm assuming that the heart will be photographed, and the photograph sent to... I don't know where. Where would you send a picture of a human heart? And the date and time for the gathering aren't set yet, but that's not important. What IS important is, and here I'll quote again from the release: "It's critical that others throughout the world witness that we care."

So, remember that, when you're wondering what to do for the tsunami victims. It's not important that you actually accomplish anything. The main thing is that someone sees you in the act of CARING about the tsunami victims. You can accomplish this in various ways:

a) Make a t-shirt that says, like, "GOD BLESS THE TSUNAMI VICTIMS" and sell it on Cafe-Press. Maybe put some clip-art of the sun shining next to a palm tree on there, to indicate better times to come. Use the money from the sales to develop a web site to sell more t-shirts.

b) Make a face indicating anguish, and walk around where others can see you. "This whole tsunami thing..." you can say, "It's got me down!" Plan for like, ten people to see you. That should be good.

c) Add some inspriational, tsunami-related words to the signature of your outgoing e-mail. Like, "God never sends a tsunami to devastate a door without also opening a window."

d) Call "Delilah" the syndicated radio lady and dedicate a song to victims of the tsunami. Make sure you say your real name and hometown! Good songs: "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton; "There's a Hole in the World" by the Eagles. Bad songs: "Sea of Love," by that guy who used to be in Zep; the Pixies' "Wave of Mutilation."

e) Form a Chain of Caring, or something, with your friends, and call the local tv stations. Tell the news anchor how you scuba-dived in Sri Lanka on your honeymoon, possibly providing pictures. If you have never been there, talk about how inspired you were by Duran Duran videos of the area "back in the '80s." Pause, and then say in a choked voice, "It's hard to believe that's all... gone... now." Refuse to continue the interview.

Whatever you do, don't organize a large group of people to gather in a stadium somewhere and perform "The Wave." See... that's the kind of thing that can be construed as just plain bad taste.