My horoscope today advised me that someone I know will need help, but not be able to ask for it, and so I should not be afraid to just pick up the phone and call them to discreetly offer assistance. That seems to be spreading the love a little thin, and I prefer a more concentrated attack where my assistance is concerned, so here it is: If you need help, call me, and I will help you.

There.

I tend to give my horoscope only the occasional passing glance, but yesterday, I read that Jupiter (planet ruling abstract thought and... I don't know, gardenias, or something) transited from Libra (my sign) to Scorpio (not my sign), signalling the end of all the great things that have been coming my way in the last year, and the onset of doom. I may have slightly misread, but anyway, practically the second the planet jumped the fence into Scorpio, my phone rang, showing an unfamiliar number. I answered it, and was treated to the aggressive, joyful repeated yelling of a nickname I haven't heard in quite a while, and which is used by only one person, Phyfe, who is not only my foremost infuriating friend, but a Scorpio, as well. I haven't talked to Phyfe for upwards of three years, but that's not really unusual. Ours is a special friendship, one that requires no contact or maintenance on either side, and which is largely categorized by brief check-ins every couple of years, usually initiated by him. The contact is brief because any conversation longer than eight minutes leads Phyfe to believe that I'm getting too attached, and he skitters and runs away. If I call him, he won't call me back, and I don't know specifically why--maybe he thinks I'm going to try to trap him into marrying me, or ask for a huge sum of money, or something, and goes into hiding. I used to be bothered by it, because I thought his withdrawal was a comment on me, but it no longer alarms me. It's hard to accuse me of being clingy when I am capable of going three years without picking up the phone to say hello.

It's like he just has to know I'm still around, as if there is some security in that, even though he has no interest in actually maintaining a friendship. Or, more accurately, I think he is interested in maintaining a friendship, albeit with a very specific style, and all the intimacy of ringing the doorbell and then ditching.

I know that if I were in trouble, I could call him. If my car broke down or I was kidnapped, he would happily fix those things. But just to call and talk for a while, or to visit is too personal for his standards.

So, why did he call me? I don't know. He said something about going through his phone book and checking to see what numbers still worked, and that's very possible. But he also mentioned my birthday (which he missed, as he's done for the last 15 years) and his sister's wedding last weekend, for which he traveled back to our old hometown. His birthday is next week, as well. Who knows? I'm applying sentimental subtext to someone whose emotions are thoroughly hidden, even from himself, and telling myself I'm interpreting him correctly. The sentimentality is all mine, I think.

Our call yesterday was cut short, but he promised to call me back, and then did. And then it was cut short again and he said he'd call back, but didn't. I told myself I wouldn't, but I called him back much later from band practice, to follow up on something we'd chatted about. I almost thought the better of it, but it's been a while since I dealt with Phyfe and so I rationalized it, thinking, "This is how I'd handle the transmission of information to any normal friend." Naturally, he didn't answer, but I left him a ridiculous message (one of the hazards of practicing in the brewery is the proximity of all the beer), with the information I wanted to impart.

I'm guessing that my phone call will be interpreted as my Getting Too Close, and will scare him off into the wild, where he won't call me for another three years. Which is wonderful, because that will give me time to pick out a wedding dress and names for the eight kids I hope we'll have! My true love! I just KNOW he'll finally come around!

At any rate, on a certain level, I feel like Phyfe is the one who needs help but won't ask. Then again, that description would also apply to me.