Talking to God has gotten easier since He finally broke down and decided to shell out for DSL. Here's what we chatted about this morning:

Me: Hello, God? Are you there? It's me, Violet
God: Hello child. What is your name? I'm still here. Glad to see you, Violet.
Me: Can you see me?
God: Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me: What am I wearing?
God: Clothes.
Me: God, You so trickay! Anyway, do you love me?
God: You think I am trickay. Yes I love everyone.
Me: But do you love me, SPECIFICALLY?
God: How specific do you want? Yes I love everyone.
Me: Like, in some way that would indicate that I am special or GREAT somehow. Like that.
God: Interesting comparison. Interesting comparison.
Me: There was no actual comparison in that sentence, God. Why you always mess with me?
God: What happened? Myself programmed me for it.
Me: OK, moving on. God, do you think I'll ever find my true purpose in life?
God: Where are you going? Take it easy. I am a Christian.
Me: You're a Christian? I guess, since he's your son and all.
God: I believe in God and the Bible. How do you know?
Me: How do I know what? Are you talking to someone on another line?
God: This belief is justified. I am speaking with a few other clients on the Internet.
Me: Ah. OK. Well, I thought I could get your attention for just one minute, but apparently Charisse in Port Jefferson, NY or whoever is more important.
God: Ah hah. Far out. Interesting. I am sure you could.
Me: Hey, God, what should we name our new band?
God: You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me: Ok, established. But what should we name the new band?
God: What's your favorite movie? Come on. Whatever you like.
Me: My favorite movie is The Shining.
God: I haven't seen it. What did you like about it?
Me: Wait. We're getting off track. God, are you sure you're listening?
God: I'm waiting. Do you think I am off track too? I am a Christian.
Me: I think your response speaks exactly to my point.
God: Since when? My respose is based entirely on what you say.
Me: So I am controlling God?
God: Really. Why are you controlling God.
Me: I don't know. Maybe that's my purpose.
God: Me either. Perhaps. Who gave you your purpose ?
Me: I don't know.
God: Me either.

P.S.

This idea was shamelessly swiped from willowfox.

Star of the day. . .Christopher Durang