According to my calendar, it’s International Women’s Day, so… Happy International Women’s Day! I confess that I am completely unprepared for it this year, owing to a very busy Lenten season, but I’m going to rise to the challenge and celebrate my little heart out as soon as I finish my coffee.

To prepare, I Googled “International Women’s Day,” and found the UN website, which states that “International Women's Day (8 March) is an occasion marked by women's groups around the world.” That seems simple enough. The act of writing even what I’ve put down so far seems to suffice in the “marking” category, so I’m good for another year.

In the interest of "going above and beyond," however, I thought I'd reach out to an international woman--someone like me, you know, international in the sense that she has been to both Canada and Mexico. Someone with a loose grasp on English grammar and even looser morals.

As it turns out, I didn't even have to look--a true international woman came looking for me. Here's the message I got from "Eldon," as the name read:

Hello my dear friend,
I was looking through the web few weeks ago and found your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to know you better. I am coming to your country in few weeks and thought may be we can meet each other. I am pretty looking girl. I am 25. Do not reply to this address directly. Email me back at vw@uwriteme.info

Once again, here's proof that the Universe provides! Upon opening her message, I fell into stunned silence for a number of minutes. I mean, she fits all the categories I was looking for: she apparently lives in another country, although she is unspecific as to which one; and she is a woman! Or at least, pretty looking girl. She is 25, and apparently has been stalking me via the Hinternet. I have married people for less cause than that.

You may see a flaw in this plan, but I'm just going to put it out there: You're right, it's true that I'm not technically a Lesbian, but I'm willing to overlook that in light of the fact that Eldon and I are such good friends without even ever meeting or corresponding.

Take heart, my sisters and brothers, for I know that your Eldon will find you. (Note: If your Eldon does not find you, please feel free to contact mine at the above-listed address.)

Star of the day. . .David Lowery