Conditions experienced before, during, and after undergoing �Mystic Tan� artificial tanning treatment, as outlined in Sun-kissed or mist-spritzed?, by friendly local newspaper columnist Starshine

Before

• sun-starved


• eager to purge [her] own pastiness, to wash away [her] winter wanness


• squeaky clean and exfoliated


• gooped-up

During

• stark naked


• completely isolated


• slightly chilled


• overwhelmed


• gasping for air
• dripping wet in a hideous cafeteria cap

After

• Apollo�s tawny spawn


• toasty chestnut color


• utterly amazed


• shockingly fabulous


• a summer-stained island princess


• a ripe and ravishing tropical fruit


• glowing


• cappuccino-tinged

And finally�

• heartbreakingly untinted

Star of the day. . .George Hamilton