I'm in the mood for this October
I found an endless summer there
Ah la dat dat dah de da da for this October!
Skah skah de skunna skunna hair

I'm not 100% clear on the lyrics, but I think you can get the vibe and sense my joy at October's impending arrival. It is the best month, bringing clear, crisp weather, Halloween, and my birthday, which I have always wrongly viewed as second in significance only to Christmas. I have come to understand over the years that perhaps my view is not shared by all, but my happiness at beginning a new year is sufficient to carry me through the indifference of others.

I was born on October 4th, which according to the book "The Secret Language of Birthdays," is The Day of the Incorrigibles, and others born on this day include Pancho Villa, who the book notes was "shot dead in his car after retirement," which just bolsters my belief that saving for the future is a sham.

My strengths, according to the book, are:

• Tasteful


• Socially adept


• Humorous

Who's going to look at that list and think, "Close, but not really me?" I am happy with those strengths, which I will now claim as fact and throw in the face of anyone claiming otherwise. ("Please refer to page 475...") I'm happier with those strengths than I would be with, say, March 13 (Day of Fateful Prediction--bummer), which are: Accepting, Courageous, and Evolving. There's nothing specifically wrong with those, but "evolving" does carry with it the idea that you're just not quite cooked yet. If I wasn't so socially adept, I'd be raring to share that opinion with this idiot I work with whose birthday is March 13th!

On the other side of the coin, my weaknesses:

• Complacent


• Headstrong


• Foolhardy

I'm happy with those weaknesses (as I would be: see weakness 1), although in combination they can be problematic, creating the potential for me to happily insist on following my own stupid logic into dangerous situations. My life history would seem to bear out that line of reasoning, but I'm good with that. Other qualities I possess include valuing ideas and principles over money; lack of ambition; and an eccentric view of the world, combined with a slight nervous quality and an emphasis on sex. I'll admit to all those qualities, but adding them up thusly could create a picture of someone very different than me, like a slightly neurotic kept woman fond of daytime television and devoted to haute couture clothing.

I love this book because you can look up all your friends and learn helpful life advice they can use, or misinterpret the information to draw inaccurate conclusions about the state of their health or emotional development. Similarly, you can look up the people you don't like and use the listed weaknesses to bolster your argument for not liking them.

If any of you would like me to look up your birthdays, let me know and I'll do so at NO CHARGE.