My friend Tahmi�s in love with her letter carrier. Or, because �love� might be a bit of a stretch, let�s just say she has a crush on him. It�s been going on for a while, this crush, and recent developments indicate that it�s mutual. He leaves her little notes on her mail.

�Is it stalkery?� I asked her, when she called to discuss affairs. �What do the notes say?�
�Like, �Hi, how are you?�� she said.
�That doesn�t sound too stalkery,� I said.
�Not at all,� she agreed. �He�s really cute.�

The notes led to Tahmi freezing a bottle of water and taking it out to thaw half an hour before the mailman arrived, so that it would still be icy. It�s been hot here lately. She was concerned about his hydration.

The water bottle led to a conversation, which led to an exchange of phone numbers and discussion of a date.

�What�s his name?� I asked. She paused, and hedged, �What would you say would be the most awkward name for a Jewish girl to date?� She�s the Jewish girl in question, just to clarify.

�Hitler!� I yelled.
�No,� she said, and answered in the negative for �Adolf� and �Himmler.�
�I give up,� I said.
�Hay-zoos,� she said.
�Ah. Jee-sus,� I said. �Did you tell your mother?� She did.
�She was just happy that someone asked me out,� said Tahmi.
"Jee-sus asked you out," I mused.
"Yeah."

The other day, looking through the book section in the back of my station wagon, I found something that was meant for Tahmi. I�d picked it up at some thrift store or other, and kept it on hand for just such an occasion. It�s a spiral-bound songbook with the title �Here Comes JESUS� in bright day-glo hues last popular in 1973�coincidentally the date of its publication. The name of each song in the book is displayed on the cover inside an oval bubble. The foreword explains that this is THE book for Christian songs, not a field I normally associated with competition, but you learn something new every day.

For Tahmi�s benefit, I altered the names of the songs in the book to fit her new, mail-related romance. I picture her waiting by the mailbox, songbook in hand, singing a medley of soft-rock and gospel hits like �Mail to the World� and �Onward, Christian Mailmen.� Certain songs I left alone--for example, you just cannot fuck with "Kum by Yah."

I�m putting the book into the mail today�I could hand-deliver it, but that would seem unsporting.

Let there be stamps on earth, and let them begin with me.

Star of the day. . .John Turturro