In which the search continues
The search has brought me to strange and wonderful places. I have seen things you can't imagine: key rings featuring all of the major Catholic saints in varying stress-inducing poses; professional sports team logos; puffs of indeterminate fuzz; explosions of glittery thread and beads; leathercraft of varying skill; the enameled emblem of the wild Camaro. None of them persuaded me to click the Add To Cart button.
Cloudy had an excellent suggestion, but I have been unable to find a key ring spelling out the C word in pink rhinestones. (Note to self: I have just had a great idea for a home business... details to follow.)
And you know, here is where I confess that I am lying. I did find the right key ring. Here, I'll show you a picture: (See illustration.)
ILLUSTRATION
It even has a name. Carmen. As in, Please allow me to introduce you to my key ring, Carmen. Do you see the world of possibilities that has been opened? I found Carmen at the highly practical and utilitarian Herm�s, a website so whimsical as to induce instant cavorting through daffodil-studded lawns, wearing a giant garden-party hat. Whee! That is the official noise of Herm�s (which, because we are not motherfucking Philistines, we are pronouncing correctly, comme les gens fran�ais, air-mez).
Sadly for me (Violet), this Carmen of which I write costs one hundred and eighty dollars. I wrote it out in letters, rather than numbers, to emphasize the magnitude of the offense. To be fair, this one-hundred-and-eighty-dollar key ring is manufactured by the premier leather goods firm of the world, but I am having difficulty justifying spending more on a key ring than it costs to buy a tire. (This represents a step up for me, I will add. Yes, I am bragging on myself just a little, but I feel it is deserved.)
This key ring--Carmen--also comes in a delightful, swoon-inducing celery green. For those of you in the market for such a thing (i.e., Me).
In case you are wondering why I am devoting any space at all to a one-hundred-and-eighty-dollar key ring that is essentially a leather pasty, let me explain that once the Keelhauler reads this, I will not be able to secretly buy Carmen and then lie about the price. In this way do I exercise a form of self-control. Feel free to use it for yourselves!
And, in case you are still wondering why I am devoting space to this key ring issue, I will remind you that I devote space to idiotic issues all the time. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't get to ride in my new car with me and Carmen.
Star of the day. . .Ines de la Fressange