I will hear no sad trombone today, although I kind of enjoy its brassy warble. I came in to the office to see that tall vines had been planted in front of the hideous blue arches across the way. See? It's like someone heard my complaint and came up with a way to mediate the hideousness. All I have to do is wait six years for the vines to grow![Gratingly Self-Serving Message: See? The Universe really does correct itself! ]

In other news, I will report briefly on the Keelhauler's startling transformation into clotheshorse. His usual uniform of pants cut off with a knife (while he is wearing them), tattered Chuck Taylors and giant t-shirts has been discarded in favor of collared shirts and Fa�onnable sport coats, with shoes by Ferragamo. (Also: pants.) Clotheshauler? Martian-Who-Replaced-My-Boyfriend? I don't know: still working on the nickname, suggestions welcome.

It is just his luck that the very second he decided to overhaul his wardrobe, someone exactly his size, and with more cash to spare, donated his own expensive wardrobe to charity, whereupon the Keelhauler strolled in and found it. It may have been several people the Keelhauler's size, actually, since a couple of thrift stores were involved, but regardless, REGARDLESS! I am juggling conflicting feelings of happiness (for him) and vicious, teeth-clenching jealousy (over a lack of similar donor my size. BITCH, DONATE THAT WARDROBE NOW!!!) Where was I with the punctuation? I don't recall, and I didn't think to drop a trail of bread crumbs to follow back to the beginning of that sentence, so here: . , . ! . Sprinkle those at will and move on.

At any rate, the Keelhauler called from a thrift store last night and was a bit put out that I could not instantly drop what I was doing (driving the car) to look up a designer for him.

"Just tell me who it is," I said, and he said, "Karl, with a 'K,' KARL Lay-ger..."

"Lagerfeld," I said, "I don't need to look that up. What did you find?"

A suit, it turns out, an entire, beautiful Karl Lagerfeld suit that fits him perfectly. For $29.99.

I had to take a little pause in my typing, there--imperceptible to the reader, I know, but I'm telling you so that you will know exactly how Zen I am, how evolved. I just took a little moment to reflect on the beauty of the new vines across the road, on the sky, which at the moment resembles a dirty length of cotton batting that is magically spitting rain. See? It's raining. I am GLAD I am not wearing a new Karl Lagerfeld suit, for I have no umbrella.

The Universe really does correct itself.

Wonh wonh wonh wonnnnnnnnh....

Oh, and PS!

Must-see astounding music video the first... and

Astounding music video the second.

Star of the day. . .Mark Gormley