My Aunt Olive sent me this list of supposedly snappy comebacks to guys trying to ask you out. It wasn't funny to begin with, but I made it worse all on my own.

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Ways to Turn Men Down

HE:: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE:: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Me, too! Where do you perform?
SHE: I was kidding.
HE: Right...

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Maybe we can work together and create a brochure for your clinic.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: That seems unnecessarily hostile. I was simply asking if we'd gone out.

HE:: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE:: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Is it a migraine headache? Those can be debilitating. Perhaps you could take some medication in advance and still accompany me.

HE:: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE:: Okay, get out.
HE: Sorry--I meant, "Would you like to go out with me?"
SHE: Oh, I get it, now. Sure.

HE:: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE:: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: I'm sorry, but I don't appreciate sarcasm.

HE:: Can I have your name?
SHE:: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: I meant, what is YOUR name?

HE:: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE:: I've already seen it.
HE: Yes, it's very popular. I'm always a little behind every trend. Maybe that's why I have trouble making friends.

HE:: Where have you been all my life?
SHE:: Hiding from you.
HE: [thinking] She's onto me!

HE:: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE:: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Well, I guess it's your bad luck that I'm here, too.
SHE: Yes, I suppose it is.

HE:: Your body is like a temple.
SHE:: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: That's OK, I'm atheist. Wanna "do it"?
SHE: Yeah, all right. I don't see why not.

Star of the day. . .Alfred E. Neuman