So, The Keelhauler is coming back tomorrow, for one day before heading out again, and in honor of his return, I will resurrect this vintage Keelhauler story (like, that happened three months ago):

The Keelhauler woke up at 3:00 in the morning, having invented a �rap,� which he wished to share with me immediately. It went something like this:

�In her high-heeled shoes, she walks like C3PO
She gives more screws than the Home Deep-io.�

I was very tired, so although he repeated the �rap� several times to ensure that I �got� the concept that �C3PO� rhymes with �Home Deep-io,� and specifically why that was amusing, I don�t recall the exact wording of the �rap.� There was another verse, which I�ve forgotten.

We had a small discussion about the idea that C3PO does not, technically, wear high-heeled shoes, and The Keelhauler explained that it was the robot�s stiff walk he was referring to, not the footwear. (Or maybe it�s not a robot. Cyborg. Whatever it is�that gold robot, not the little round trash can one.)

I very much enjoyed the �rap,� even though it has caused me to think of Home Depot as Home Deepio, and I was disappointed when I realized that this particular creative endeavor seems to have ended. The Keelhauler is now back to his usual musical pursuit, which is to insist that it is possible for him to become a New Country star by re-making pop rock hits in a New Country style, e.g., by adding pedal steel guitar to the arrangement and singing in a fake Southern accent. He is extremely happy to share this talent, with his favorite number being Kid Rock�s �Only God Knows Why.� He even has the video planned out. He envisions a moody, gritty, low-resolution epic drama depicting a typical day in the life of a towboater on the Mississippi River: coiling rusty steel cables, guiding barges into a series of locks, and I don�t know, arm wrestling or something. It stars himself (naturally) in a series of scenes showing him toiling on the towboat, intercut with shots of him lip-synching meaningfully, posed on the riverbank, periodically adjusting his Stetson to lend dramatic emphasis to the plight of the working man. Then, of course, at the end of this long day, the guys all crack open a Miller in a show of towboating camaraderie.

I think his idea has great potential, including the possibility that The Keelhauler could become the Voice of Miller Beer, you know, like Bob Seger is the voice of� Chevy, or Dodge or whatever truck company it is. Like that.

Star of the day. . .Bob Seger