In which there is no We in Team

I�m in a bit of a cloud right now, or perhaps I�m ON a cloud, perhaps�whichever phrase conveys the concept of being overjoyed as opposed to in a daze, that�s the one I want. My cloud, the one on which I�m floating, is due to the great, great team-building class I just took with 25 of my coworkers. I would say �my closest coworkers,� but in reality, I�d never met any of them, and our work duties don�t intersect. But, you know, GO, TEAM!

The team-building class is held quarterly. Management pretends that participation is voluntary and for the good of the firm overall, but of course takes note of who fails to attend, and brings it up during annual reviews as evidence of lack of initiative. So, the workers tend to oblige and pretend that attendance isn�t mandatory. This arrangement means that everyone arrives at the class slightly bitter. I like to counteract this bitterness with a display of overwhelming good cheer, to get everyone on the same page, and let them know that, hey: we may all be stuck in a falsely voluntary hell of corporate cheerleading, but damn it, we can still all have a rootin�-tootin� time. It�s the least I can do for these people I�ve never seen before and will most likely never see again.

This particular team building class focused on Embracing Other Personalities, although not literally embracing them, as I learned shortly after arrival. We all took a quiz that posed a lengthy series of questions designed to determine which personality type we are. I love all activities that focus on me, so I had a delightful time filling in the little circles with the number 2 pencil I carry at all times, and pondering questions that invited me to search my very soul for clues to my character�am I more Restless than Neighborly? Am I Vigorous or a Good Mixer? How are those opposite? My detailed side wanted more information, but in the end, my compliant nature won out, and using my own best judgment, I filled out and closed my neatly completed test and concentrated on a list the instructor had distributed. The list, designed to provide entertainment for those who finished their quiz early, consisted of the numbers 1 through 100, and the title, �100 Things To Do Before I Die!� While the slower workers plodded through their self-evaluation, I enthusiastically began my list:

  1. Finish mosaic self-portrait, install in prominent public location.

  2. Answer fan mail.

  3. Determine the one true faith, disseminate.

  4. Accept OBE, Grammy.

  5. Milk, eggs.

  6. Mrs. John Krasinski

  7. Complete this list.

And like that.

We got to grade our own quizzes, at which point no fewer than three people discovered that despite explicit, detailed instructions and repeated warnings by the instructor that she had only the exact number of quiz booklets for the people in the class, they had filled out the forms wrong.

Deciphering our answers took some time, but eventually we all were sorted into four groups by a dull process not involving a Harry Potter-style talking hat. We learned that the four styles of person you can be are: Dominant, Influential, Steady, or Conscientious. I fell solidly into the Influential category, distinguished by such characteristics as Attractiveness, Beauty, and Sparkly Barrettes. We broke into groups according to type, wherein I learned that the other groups, regardless of the qualities outlined in the quiz, can be characterized by their general dullness. While our team spent time jumping around and drawing kittens on the chalk board provided, the other teams sat quietly, determining their Core Focus. We had a great time over in the Influential group. By the time the other teams had grudgingly determined who was to hold the magic marker, we�d already agreed upon a team motto, book, and anthem (�Don�t Fence Me In�). Our joy and camaraderie served only to unite the other teams�the bitter, the resentful-of-authority, the passive-aggressive�in their dislike of Team I. It was really unfair. I contain just as much bitterness and resentment as any given member of say, the Conscientious team, but I am able to mask it with high-quality cosmetics and prescription drugs.

Following the team presentations, we grouped at the tables and I sneaked peeks at the �100 Things� lists of the people nearest me. Each of the four had fewer than five items on the list, and each list featured, in the number one spot, the word RETIRE.

If it keeps up like this, I�ll be the only one left, and you know� that might just be all right.

Goooooooooooooooo TEAM VIOLET!



Star of the day. . .Tom Landry
posted @ 4:28 p.m. on January 05, 2006 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......