I may be on thin ice as far as beating a dead horse, but instead of learning a valuable life lesson, I'm going to rag on some art rockers instead, and add Emerson, Lake and Palmer to my Worst Mix CD ever. Do you know that song quoted at the top of this entry? Of course you do. Everyone, except for seventeen people living in Vietnam in a cave, knows that song. Those seventeen Vietnamese people, we can then extrapolate, are the luckiest people on Earth, despite their lack of a viable food source or quality cable programming, for they have been spared the agony of hearing pretentious prog rockers wail at length about a bitter and sensational sideshow where humans can see relics from the planet Earth, left over from a time before human greed destroyed it allllllll! It's very "Planet of the Apes" in its "Damn you all to Hell!" fist-clenching bombast. Ordinarily, I might enjoy that kind of thing, but in this case, I do not, possibly owing to the overwhelming presence of frenetic keyboards on this track.

However, since I've selected grammatical inconsistency as primary category for inclusion in my mix, I will cite the following lines as justification for naming this particular song:

Right before your eyes we pull laughter from the skies
And he laughs until he cries then he dies then he dies

I am uncertain whether the laughter mentioned is the anthropomorphic representation of laughter, but in any case, the "he" is unclear, and whoever he is, it seems unnecessarily brutal to kill him off in the span of one line.

And speaking of that song, can you tell me its name? If you say "Welcome Back My Friends, to the Show That Never Ends," you are wrong, wrong, wrong, because its actual title is "Karn Evil 9 -- First Impression, Part 2."

And let's move on to the next subject, which is: John Krasinski's birthday, which is today. In his honor, I submit this song, which my band performs, and which I wrote about him. It is entitled "Crush," and any suggestions that it be included on my Worst Mix CD Ever will be first considered, then rejected. And with that, I give you:

Crush

This awkward crush has tripped me up
A certain angle of your smile can make me blush
This little buzz, a kind of hush
A private darkness coming down over the two of us

Krasinski, won't you take me out on the T
And kiss me, and promise I can stay all night with you
And ride the lines from red to green to blue

Dear John, what time can you meet me at the station?
I can be there by 4:30
I'll wear that coat you like, you know, the one I bought in Cambridge
It cost me fifty dollars, but it makes my eyes shine like Orion

Krasinski, won't you take me out on the T
And kiss me, and promise I can stay all night with you
And ride the lines from red to green to blue

I would like to meet your mother
People say I look just like her
I don't know, but there's a conversation in there somewhere
Lie beside me on the lawn until the stars come out
You're the kind of boy I never knew, but always dreamed about.

You kiss my mouth
I hold your hand
You break my heart
I understand.

� Violet White 2006, suckas.
(Note: the copyright info is not actually part of the song.)