Love is in the air today, love and something more ethereal, something I'm going to call "clouds." Yes, clouds are in the air. I'm sorry: Love. Love is in the air.

And clouds.

At any rate, I first must make a dreadful confession, which is that I have FAILED in my appointed duty as go-between in a romantic endeavor. I'm just a horrible failure as a Cupid--this is not news to me, but I was hoping to enact some good to make up for all the homewrecking I have did.

My dear friend Mr. X has been in love with a girl I call Indie Rock Queen for ages now, and as it happens, she played in my town over the weekend. I promised Mr. X that I would go to the show and sing his praises (figuratively), possibly while wearing a t-shirt bearing his image (literally) and holding some kind of pro-Mr. X sign. He thought this was an excellent idea, and envisioned the ensuing communication thusly:

Indie Queen: "Great T-shirt!!! I know good ol' Mr. X from Honolulu."

Violet: "He's the best, don't you think?"

IQ: "Yes. I am in love with him, but he's so shy. I almost moved to Honolulu on account of him."

V: "Well, why don't you send him a text message or something?"

IQ: "You are so right. I am going to go to Honolulu on my days off. No, maybe I'll fly him out here."

V: "You could go surfing!"

IQ: "Yes."

(It should be noted that I replaced the actual town with Honolulu, in order to create a smokescreen as to Mr. X's actual identity.)

I liked the scenario, although I was slightly disappointed with my final line--it just didn't ring 100% true, you know? For one thing, nothing in the conversation reflects my apprectiation of her performance, and then I'm just standing there, tongue-tied at the end, with out anything to add? You can just hear the tumbleweeds rolling through.

My own scenario (one of many, naturally, as I Tend To Overdo These Things) went like this:

Indie Queen: "Hey, that's a great shirt! I know Mr. X from Honolulu... Honolulu, Hawaii."

Violet: "Oh, really? How long have you known him? I know him, too, you know. He is so great. Everyone loves him, and you should, too!"

IQ: "Please don't tell me what to do."

V: "I also know that Honolulu is in Hawaii, Miss 'I've Been Everywhere' smarty-pants."

IQ: [uncomfortable silence, followed by departure]

V: [yelling] "OK... Well... Uh, Mr. X loves you! Call me! I mean, call him!"

Security Guard: "Move along, Miss."

V: "You'll never take me, coppers!"

See, what I've done there is heighten the risk. That is an important dramatic element, as I understand it from the three theatre classes I didn't sleep through in college. I also gave myself a much more active, even dangerous, role--more in keeping with my real-life persona.

Anyway, as it ended up, Indie Queen got off stage three hours before I even arrived at the club, due to poor planning on someone's part, so I never did deliver my intended message. SUCH a rip.

To make it up karmically, although not directly to Mr. X, I am going to pass along a request from my friend E, who is getting married shortly and has solicited good dance music to play at the wedding reception. Perhaps if I send him some good suggestions, my karma will bounce back from the great Indie Queen failure of 2006.

I once got a great wedding reception mix from Maven that included Robyn's "Konichiwa, Bitches" which I think should be on every wedding playlist. Other than that, and "Me and Mrs. Jones," by Billy Paul, I'm at a loss. Any help you can lend is appreciated. Thank you in advance for your assistance with this request.

Sincerely,

The Offices of
Violet

Star of the day. . .Curtis Wilson Cost