Happy birthday to you! Yes, YOU. You, reader. Stop looking around like I'm not talking to you. You have a birthday this year, I'm guessing, and either it has passed or it's coming up, right? I have a knack for remembering this kind of thing, so I wanted to take a moment and say: Hey. Happy birthday. To you.

So far this year, I've forgotten or been late commemorating the birthdays of all my friends and family. The reason for this is complex (self-involvement). Saturday night, I finally got around to celebrating Loyal Dan's birthday although to be fair, I had nothing to do with the belatedness of the celebration. Some people are harder to surprise than others, but suffice it to say that we accomplished the mission by waiting more than four months to do it. (His birthday is January 7th.) Sure, he thought no one cared about him, and that we all forgot, but those eighteen weeks of personal anguish and resentment all faded into mist when he walked into the restaurant and saw both of us sitting there wearing party hats.

I think today is Jonathan Richman's birthday. It might have been yesterday, in which case I'll add him to the long list of folks whose birthdays I've forgotten, and the even longer list of folks who neither know nor care that I forgot. (Or don't care that I've remembered, e.g., Joey Ramone, May 19.)

The Keelhauler's birthday is Wednesday, all of you Keelhauler-watchers, i.e., me. I haven't gotten him a good present yet, so if you have ideas for things you think he might like, please send them to me. The ideas, I mean. He's a Taurus, and he enjoys fireworks and quarters.

Star of the day. . .Willard Scott