I'm apparently having some kind of 1980s flashback, because all day, I've been fixated on acquiring a cable-knit shetland sweater in a specific shade of kelly green. I had such a sweater at one time, by Deans of Scotland, along with a whole stack of them in various colors, some striped, some with Fair Isle patterns. I think I had two green ones, actually: one pullover, one cardigan. I'd go for either one, at this point.

There's no specific reason I can point to for my sudden obsession with this sweater. Or all of them. Suddenly, I find myself wanting all of them back. They're probably at my mother's house, in the attic, so I have no chance of ever retrieving them. She wouldn't let my brother borrow an old, dusty Ungame from a shelf in her basement. If she won't part, even temporarily, with the least entertaining board game ever invented, she's not liable to hand over anything as useful as a Shetland sweater.

And anyway, I don't have anything to wear with a kelly green cable-knit sweater from 1984. That probably wouldn't even fit. And has likely been gnawed by moths.

Initially, I feared that I'm beginning some kind of mid-life crisis. Or senility, like a return to babyhood, and next week, I'll want rompers and an elastic rainbow-striped belt. Who's to say I won't? I think the current reunion tour of Duran Duran has stirred up '80s molecules throughout the land and brought me back to my least plausible incarnation: ersatz preppy.

Still, thrifters out there, if you happen upon any Deans of Scotland Shetland sweaters that are reasonably priced, please do let me know. I couldn't find any information on the company online, so perhaps they've gone the way of the upturned polo shirt collar.

In other news, the Balloon Council is all up in arms about the possibility of a ban on helium-filled Mylar (or "conductive material") balloons. Sure, the balloons cause expensive outages when they hit power lines, but, and here I paraphrase their spokesman (heard on NPR this morning), Balloons need helium. It's just not as much fun for some kid to have a balloon on a stick.

I don't know: if the best the Balloon Council can do to defend their position is to say that non-helium-filled balloons are less fun for kids, I can't really work up any kind of sympathy for them. Are the fun needs of our youths really dependent on helium? Plus, I kind of liked the image of some forlorn kid standing around, balefully regarding his stupid air-filled balloon tied to a stick. It made me laugh. This is just another reason it is fortunate that I am not a parent.

Star of the day. . .Joan As Police Woman