I don't want to brag, but I've been getting a lot of new visitors to the site. It's true. Don't think I'm being snotty if I tell you that two (2) new people found me recently--I know, you're not believing it already!--by typing the name "Koren Zailckas" into Google. And that's just this week! I know. The Internet is a mysterious place, and my site is a dynamic vat of information, largely imagined, about quasi-famous ex-drunk sorority gal Koren Zailckas. She's like my new patron saint. Saint Koren. I've even made up a theme song, to thank her for sending me these two (2) wonderful new readers. It goes... a little something like this:

Koren!
Koren Zailckas!
King of the wild frontier!

(I'm still working on that third line, but I think you can see where I'm going.)

So far, with her two (2) hits, she's a nose ahead of the subjects typed in by other readers searching for, in no particular order:

• Between you and me I like bumming chicken
• balloon breasts in denim
• �the power of advertisinG�
• dog ass filled by man
• etta james
• Tucson house sitting
• Spankings can raise your intelligence
• Why dogs drag their butts
• gene simmons creepy; and
• anthropologie skirt pattern

And it's true: you can find a little shred of each of these things within my pages. I like to cater to a wide and disturbed audience.

Ohhhhhhhhhh, kay. And I'm really reaching. My horoscope today suggested that I shouldn't take everything I encounter as a personal affront. Way to suck the fun out of everything, Universe! Viewing broad-based social trends as personal affronts is my only hobby, and I'll be damned if the alignment of some constellations is going to rip it away from me.

The horoscope went on to suggest that I stop taking everything so seriously, maybe take a step back and have a good laugh at my own expense, but at that point, I recognized that the entire concept of astrology was deeply insulting to my intelligence and my dignity, and enraged, I abandoned the endeavor in favor of a tall, refreshing Klasse' Kocktail.

I mean, come on, y'all... I don't want to get all uptight. All I wanna do is rock the mic. Sing it with me: Koren... Koren Zailckas.... King of the Wild Frontier!