In which I stage a return

Well, damn, if it isn't great to be back home again. As John Denver said. Kind of. I assume that when he wrote that line, he wasn't trying to scrape dried mascara, the remnants of a heavy-handed make-up job, out of the corners of his eyes. But maybe I should let the John Denver experts speak for themselves on that issue.

At any rate, it's great to be back home again, after a whirlwind tour of New York City and parts west (i.e., Minneapolis and the mosquito-ridden heartland known as Wisconsin). How I have missed New York, a place where one might enter a corner store at 3:45 AM, and purchase apricot-ginger muesli flakes and fresh cherries, while playing with the spotted kitten who inhabits the shelf featuring imported holistic teas. Living in sunny Southern California, I miss the ease with which a New Yorker might order a Chartreuse-and-soda, or a cocktail containing Creme de Violette, or shout "YOU ARE CUTE!" out the window of a car to a young man standing curbside, checking his iPhone. I guess I could do that here, as well, but it is more entertaining to yell out the window at New Yorkers. They're less likely to be armed, for one thing. And on a whole, they are cute in a nerdy way I appreciate. Not so blond and toothy.

The heavy make-up of which I spoke came about as a requirement of my role as Sinister Lesbian Witch in James Felix McKenney's film Satan Hates You, coming to theatres in 2009! Getcher tickets, kids, because there are many fine on-screen moments you will surely want to witness, involving:

  • Blood and guts!

  • Devil strippers!

  • Quasi-lesbianity!

  • Drunken revelry!

  • Old-time religion!

And so much more.

As far as the production goes, I will say that if you are bored with life and looking to entertain yourself, it is very rewarding to accept a role in a horror film, especially if you can play a villain. People bring you things and apply cosmetics to your face, and look interested when you are blathering on after drinking far too much Prosecco, which someone brought you, free of charge. "I loved your work in Canniballistic!," they will say to you, handing you more drinks, or wiping beads of sweat from your brow. In short, "Hooray!" I say, to acting, "Hooray!"

I was given extensive freedom with the role, which, after much thought, I decided to play as a cross between Tura Satana and Jack White in heavy drag. My hair has never been crazier. I expect it to get its own credit.

I have many thoughts to report on this experience, but my hair, having gotten a swelled head, is demanding attention. I must do battle, armed only with a pencil and a half-empty jar of Dippity-Do.

Wish me luck.



Star of the day. . .Vampira
posted @ 7:47 p.m. on July 07, 2008 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......