Damn! I wish you all could be here to see this--the ocean is whipped up into a frenzy of whitecaps, and the rain is pouring down. It's my ideal day to sleep in, turn Zappy Boy the Electric Blanket up to 10, and read trashy true-crime novels, listening to the raindrops hitting the deck of the boat. Sadly, I was not able to enact that plan, as I was expected at work, which is where I am now.

The Keelhauler called a moment ago from the boat (where he was able to sleep in and turn up Zappy Boy to eleven) to say that some water had dripped into the boat and gotten onto the new cushions I just re-covered.

(The cushions were part of the surprise I was waiting until his return to reveal, which completely failed. He called from work, and I let him know that our friends Kent and Lydia were going to come by on Saturday night, for dinner and to see the new cushions. I realized my mistake instantly, and didn't elaborate, but the next day he asked, "What did you say Kent and Lydia were coming by to see?" and I hedged like a hog and made some lame, falsely casual excuse and changed the subject. The Keelhauler let me know immediately that my ruse had failed, by laughing an exaggerated Ha Ha Ha and saying repeatedly, "I know what the secret is...!" And yes, I know I am the worst secret-keeper ever.)

Following a detailed series of instructions on BLOTTING the water from the cushions versus scrubbing or ignoring it entirely, I asked him, "What would you say if you were a girl and your new boyfriend went away with a male friend unknown to you on vacation to a foreign country and came home wearing a ruby ring he claimed to have bought for himself?"

Without going into the Keelhauler's answer, or why I want to know, I'm going to pose the question to you all. Answer at will.

My other news was that my brother's company is holding a big staff meeting tomorrow, and my brother forwarded me the information on how to call and be conferenced in. I'm thinking this pretty much obligates me to call in and using a disguised voice, identify myself as my brother, and authorize security to forcibly remove anyone claiming to be him.

If you want the number, let me know. It'll be totally fun.

Star of the day. . .Don Knotts, the late, the great.