In which in my dream, I went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower

Did any of you dream about me last night? More than usual, I mean. Because I dreamt about you�specifically, that I had access to a device that would beam my image into the sleeping brains of everyone on Earth. I�ve been enjoying myself today in wondering if it was one of those dreams that come true, like in that �And what if, when you awoke, you held the flower in your hand�� kind of shebang.

I point the finger of blame at the nutty-yet-engaging Rob Brezsny book, Pronoia, which someone left in the break room. The premise of the book is that the Universe is conspiring to bring you good things, �pronoia� being the antidote to paranoia. I read it before I dozed off, and although I enjoyed many of the oddball facts and concepts therein, it warped my sensibilities, especially Brezsny�s joyous and highly drawn-out description of finding his sexual soulmate, a woman who would recite poetry from memory while engaged in hot cowgirl action, and generously freed him from the responsibility of a �spurting� orgasm. The chapter is several pages long, encompassing his explanation of the fit of his �jade stalk� into her �silky furrow,� or something. I don�t remember it exactly, but even at the halfway point where I stopped, I had absorbed far too much information and felt unsettled, though not in a good way. And somehow inadequate, like my sexual experience, which does not as I recall involve quoting any of the major bards, will never be Truly Fulfilling and Pronoid like Rob Brezsny's, since he connected with his crystalline spiritual fuck-mate. (I think that's what he called her. Don't quote me.)

I have not addressed this matter with the Keelhauler, because he will sigh and say, �WHAT is the name of this book?� and when I tell him, he will say, �Uht! That�s crazy. Don�t read that book any more.� I�m going to call him right now and tell him �So I read this book and it made me feel insecure about my sexuality.� Let�s see what he actually says. OK, the phone is ringing. Ringing. OK, I got his voice mail. I�ll leave him a message. I�ll let you know what he says.

In other news, I�m involved this week in a photo challenge with my friend Becky, where we have to take a picture each day in a bathroom.

Here is mine, more proof that the Universe is conspiring to bring you good things. (see illustration)

ILLUSTRATION

And, if any of you did dream of me last night, you can reply in confidence c/o Spark and Foam. Exacting detail is appreciated.



Star of the day. . .Ron Sexsmith
posted @ 3:31 p.m. on July 05, 2007 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......