Oscar time. I'm home, not feeling well, wishing I could be at Dan and Darcy's Oscar party. There's no one here to voice all my great criticisms to, and it's a little lonely.

So, here are my comments so far, an hour into the program:

Who the hell heard the question "Boys Choir?" and answered "Beyonce!"

It's nice that Robin Williams is still clinging to the wreckage of that classic old Elmer Fudd shtick. Someday it might become funny again, in a retro kind of way.

If there is anything less funny than Robin Williams, it's Pierce Brosnan with a chest cold bantering with a bossy computer-generated seamstress.

So, was Adam Duritz nervous, or what? Yeah. You'd think a tough guy like him would be a little cooler under pressure, but he withered like a baby spinach leaf.

So, that deal with Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones... did she just not show up, or was that bit with Chris Rock scripted? I couldn't tell if they were faking those sheepish expressions as they read their lines from the teleprompter, but I watched to the end, to see if they'd kiss. (No.)

That's all for now.

Further Thoughts

• Humorless presenter most likely to get his ass kicked by Chris Rock for being a dick: Sean Penn


• Goddammit, Hilary Swank won again? What is with that guy? I guess this opens the door for every nameless, faceless trailer park dweller who never had a chance. I was rooting hard for Kate Winslet, but my vote no longer counts at the Academy.


• Note to future Best Actress nominees: If the orchestra cuts you off during your acceptance speech, yell the rest of your speech over the music. That's what dignified old-school dames like Katherine Hepburn would have done.


• Best fake upper-class elocution: Annette Bening


• Most indecipherable speech: Sean "P KaDoodle Doo" Combs, telling audience members to listen to their inner children, or some crap like that, in his introduction to the theme song from "Polar Express," the beloved Tom Hanks Christmas train movie no one actually likes.


• Tip to future "best song" nominees: If you feel that the performance of your song during the ceremony was sub-standard, when you win the Oscar, feel free to re-sing it in lieu of giving a speech.

That's all for now.

Star of the day. . .Me, Violet