Please don't confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them
I'm doing what I can to embrace the world today, to love it as it deserves to be loved, whole-heartedly, and not with arms crossed and a wry nod of withheld approval. Love. It's my driving force for today. In cleaning out a drawer here at work, in the interest of efficiency, rather than under the watchful eye of a security guard waiting to escort me from the building, I found a quote I'd copied down at some point in the past. It reads:
Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love.
--Tolstoy
I don't remember copying it, or ever being aware of it, really. My reading habits tend toward the florid prose of Judith Krantz, so Tolstoy seems a bit rich. But there it was, in my handwriting, showing up to give me a little lesson on loving mankind. Or something. Actually, it seems to be giving me a lesson on the idea that Tolstoy's love is the cause for the Universe. No wonder they drowned him.
So... I am trying to love, today. Specifically, I am trying to love the person from whom I purchased the Dangerous Shoes on eBay, and whom I paid instantly for that privilege, and who, as near as I can figure, sent them to California (where I live) tied to the back of some slow-moving or irresponsible animal, perhaps an armadillo, or an indifferent squirrel. Because these shoes have not arrived, and I have been rabid for them ever since the timer counted down to zero and I won that auction. Goddammit! I want my Dangerous Shoes, for all they represent, and all the promise they hold, and the well-engineered curve of their four-inch heels. NOW!
And I love. I love. I love the seller of those shoes.
Look at my gardenias, and how they bloom even without the benefit of fertilizer or leaves. Perhaps my love inspired their blooming.
I will contemplate their beauty and stare at them, only incidentally watching the street below for the arrival of the mail truck.
Because I love. All is possible because I love.
Star of the day. . .Jayne Mansfield