The Keelhauler�s friend Jack is in town, visiting from Tucson. We haven�t seen him in three years, so he was catching up on all the news while we had a couple of beers at the Triple Crown. Jack is someone I don't know well, and the conversation was pleasant, but general. At one point, in the middle of one of my sentences, The Keelhauler leaned an elbow on the bar and said loudly, �Blah, blah, blah! Anyway, Jack, what was your trip to Catalina like?� Jack and I both stopped cold, and after a brief pause, Jack suggested that The Keelhauler apologize to me, which he did, in an off-hand and insincere manner.

Later, Jack asked whether in the time since he�s seen us, The Keelhauler and I had gotten married. I answered No, but The Keelhauler burst into laughter. He laughed and laughed, beyond the point of reasonable amusement, as if the idea were inherently ludicrous, as if Jack had asked if he had married an oyster, or a steam shovel. The question is simple, and has a simple answer--no--but he seemed to enjoy laughing for effect. It was hard not to feel at least a little insulted, and I suggested that maybe he didn't need to laugh quite so hard.

I hadn't anticipated his reaction: The Keelhauler and I don�t generally discuss marriage. While it�s not a subject I consciously avoid, I don�t want to get married, so it doesn't really come up. I was caught off-guard by the Keelhauler�s implication that the very idea of marrying me is hilarious. It dawned on me that he would never discuss marriage because he considers me laughably below his standards. It was a bizarre little wake-up call, and now I feel obligated to try to explain that I didn't apply for membership at the club that's rejecting me.

I can't think of any way to reason with an adult who finds it amusing to yell �Blah, blah, blah!� while I�m talking. Outside of a random, drunk stranger, it's hard to imagine anyone else doing it (and equally hard to imagine The Keelhauler yelling that at someone other than me). Should I just chalk it up to extended adolescence, and blow it off? When he�s out to sea, he calls all the time, and sends me text messages in the middle of the night, telling me I�m important to him. Then, he negates it all the second he steps on land. Somehow, he appreciates me more in two dimensions than in three.

I wish I could say that I rolled my eyes and told him to shut up, or that I ignored him and kept talking, and that the way I feel about myself is unaffected by the way he treats me, but instead, I went to sleep last night with a sharp ache in my heart.

Star of the day. . .Carolyn Hax