Lazy... I'm lazy for writing this entry...

The Blogger's Survey, courtesy of willowfox.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I specifically try to look hot when I go to the grocery store in case Carl, the Smokin' Bag Boy is working. He does not, as far as I know, read this blog. (But just in case: Hi, Carl! Way to bag that frozen spinach!) He'll come around some day. If I look hott enough. (Please... please...)

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
All my photos are posted as-is (i.e., as I swiped them from other sites).

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Creeps and dorks are welcome at the Church of Violet.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Do lies of omission count? Because in that case, no. I do not lie. I tell everything, exactly as it happens to me, minute by minute. I am programmed to do so.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
In the sense that I write about things that annoy me and don't address them with the offending party, yes.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
I write in spite of people telling me to stop.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I am not in therapy. There is no "should" in my world.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I might delete a really mean comment, depending on what it said (i.e., how accurate it was). I haven't gotten to that point yet. Faking a nice comment to oneself seems both pointless and requiring of effort, and as you can see from the laziness of this entry, anh, never mind.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
The phrase "rub one out" is so distressing to me that I have to take a moment alone. ("To rub one out.")

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
They would like me more because I would ply them with liquor and take them to the grocery store to see Carl, the Smokin' Bag Boy.

11. Do you have a job?
I do. I smother finches for a fee.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
No, that seems too attractive and free. I prefer that my employment suck out my soul and vomit it back onto my head from time to time.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
All of them. Except for the mean ones, they can't come to my party. And Miss Hiss and Willowfox, who I'm mixing cocktails for right this very second.

14. How many bloggers have you made out with?
I do not believe I have "made out" with any bloggers. Unless the Keelhauler has a blog. I should probably find out. He might be posting unflattering pictures of me daily, and I don't even know.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I have $33 million, but I act like it's only $32.9 million dollars, to keep it real.

16. Does your family read your blog?
Select members, yes.

17. How old is your blog?
One year, two months. Fourteen months. Something like that. Toddler age.

18. Do you get more than 1000 pageviews per day? Do you care?
Oh, yes, I get nearly 13,000,000 page views in a week, and I care about each and every one, and send thank-you notes.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
I'm just going to steal Willowfox's answer, which exactly mimics mine: "Yes, which is why this one has been boring lately, I've been pouring my energy into the Other One."

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
I once gave one $13 for gas for his car--does that count? I guess not, since it wasn't "for his/her writing." This is why all my grade school report cards include the notation "Does not complete assignments."

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Oh, yes, all the bags of money I've made have been reported to the proper authorities. I rake it in here at Spark and Foam.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
Not inherently. But I do feel that more people should write about me. Nice things, I mean, like about how shiny my hair looks today. (THANK you!)

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
I'm immune to guilt of that nature.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
He's all right, I guess. I like his brother, Oscar. (weak rimshot...and... giving up.)

25. Do you have enemies?
Maybe. I don't know. Are enemies people I don't like, or people who would specifically do me harm? There are lots of people I don't like, but I wouldn't go so far as to make a list. (Yet...)

26. Are you lonely?
In a poetic, photogenic sense, yes.

27. Why bother?
Well, that's no attitude to take, Mister! Straighten up and fly right, see, or we'll give you something to care about.



Star of the day. . .Roz Chast
posted @ 10:09 p.m. on November 08, 2005 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......