Round and round and round in the circle game

Tonight, I've been thinking about karma, a subject I have only a vague idea about, based on my understanding that if I do something self-centered or dishonest, I'll get the Universal smackdown. I recognize that my explanation may deviate from known texts on the subject, but I like to "break it down" to the bare essentials--just one of many ways I simplify my life and get in touch with myself.

I started thinking about karma this afternoon, when an invitation arrived via e-mail, announcing a sale on my karma report--only $7.99! There was no way I could pass up an opportunity to blame past lives and planetary positions for my shortcomings, so I signed up right away.

The report arrived in about a minute, and I opened it up, thinking it probably wouldn't contain much information. But no--it contained so, so much.

I don't want to give too much away--this is, after all, my Personal Karma Report, and if I tell you everything that was in it, I'll lose that valuable sense of mystery that keeps people at bay and ensures lasting solitude. But I will quote one paragraph:

In a past life (or number of past lives), you have abused your talents and personal powers to the detriment of those around you. This may have the effect of finding many people who express a violent dislike for you without any visible reason.

That explains a lot.

The thing that bothers me is the insinuation that I have abused my talents and personal powers repeatedly throughout a number of lifetimes, cycling through the system over and over without absorbing that you catch more flies with sugar than you do with water, or whatever it is. What is it? (See! I am definitely coming back again.)

As far as people instantly disliking me for no reason, I always chalked that up to jealousy over my stunning and ferocious beauty, but hey, whatever floats your karmic canoe.

I've met people over the years who tell me, generally with a coy simper, that they are "old souls." One such woman lived in a hideous tract mansion in Danville that boasted a black felt-covered pool table with gold tassel fringe, and black-and-white photographs of herself. They were everywhere, on every wall, on the refrigerator, and when she ran out of space, she set up folding screens that accommodated twenty or more photos in little windows cut into the wood. I don't remember how the subject of soul-age came up, but she definitely volunteered that hers was old. I expected that a soul that's been around long enough to be considered "old" might have better taste, but that is just my "adolescent soul" speaking, I guess. I instantly disliked her, so maybe our souls had met at some point in the past, like in Filene's Basement, arguing over a discount wedding dress.

I have to go back and read the report again, because as far as I can tell, it doesn't give me any pointers on how to improve my karma. I guess there are a couple of obvious points: don't misuse my great talents to the detriment of others. That doesn't seem to be an issue, and I don't have any "personal powers," so maybe things will look up in my next go-round.



Star of the day. . .Hank C. Feldman
posted @ 11:54 p.m. on March 08, 2005 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......