In which I take a few questions from the audience

Today is shaping up to be a day of no particular consequence, a day on which I have nothing better to do than gaze at a group of uniformed firefighters standing at the construction site across the street, and listen to the great new mix CD I made in honor of the new year. It is really a great mix, featuring Boney M, Bette Davis and Anton LeVey, among many other wonders.

I think I will take a moment to answer the questions posed to me a few weeks ago by the lovely and brilliant Miss Claudia at Fresh Hell.

1. When did you first decide to become a famous (and beautiful) singer?

I first decided to be a famous singer on January 11, 1998. Later, I realized that I should have included "beautiful" in the description, but my application had already been processed, so I have to settle for "not thoroughly hideous." The lesson here, children, is: Plan ahead.

2. What satisfies you?

More, more, MORE! ALWAYS MORE!

In general, I can be satisfied with a baked potato with a little butter on it.

Materially, I am not easy to satisfy because (justification alert:) there is just so much wonderful stuff in the world. Overall, I would be satisfied with order and a little bit of quiet.

3. If you were a motivational poster, what would your inspirational saying be?

Probably Hang in there, baby--Friday's coming! featuring a photo of a fluffy orange kitten losing his grip on a branch. I would also enjoy something more ambiguous, like:


4. As a famous singer, you no doubt run into celebrities on a daily basis. What's the most astonishing celebrity run-in you've ever had?

This is an astute question, and I do, indeed, encounter celebrities with startling frequency. THERE'S ONE NOW! Oh, you missed it, but it was Tim Daly.

The most astonishing celebrity run-in I've ever had... let's see. The drummer from a big arena band I cannot name sailed our boat once. That was kind of unsettling, but not really astonishing. Oh, I know! It was the time Burgess Meredith beat up my dad.

5. Are you a mermaid? If not, why?

I am not. I think it's a fin thing, like I don't have any. Also, they tend to be topless, and, please, people: I have a day job to maintain.

Bonus Question: If you were the first lady-elect, what would you wear to the innauguration?

I have been thinking about this, and not just because Town & Country just published their own ideas about this subject. My instinct is to go for a YSL smoking jacket with emerald satin hotpants, ropes of red coral branches, a fedora and ankle-strap python platforms. You have to know how to speak to Middle America.

And there you have it.

Thank you, lovely and brilliant Claudia!

Star of the day. . .Irma Juarez
posted @ 5:41 p.m. on January 06, 2009 before | after


She lay awake all night,