I've decided to replace the phrase "run over" with the infinitely superior phrase "ranned over," as in, "Damn, homes, I almost got ranned over in the parking lot by a white Volvo." Which is actually true, and happened yesterday as I walked to my own Volvo, Inky, after leaving the bank.

Inky, which is black, was parked right next to this white Volvo, also a super-hott station wagon, which bore a bumper sticker reading "ENDLESS WAR," with the "LESS" crossed out and a "THIS" written in in fake handwriting. I noticed it when I parked, gravitating toward a similar car as if there is assigned parking at the Washington Mutual based on make of vehicle and political ideology. My car doesn't sport any political messages, although I did recently adhere a lovely rainbow sticker to the back window. I love it so much, my little rainbow arc. ("Did you see my rainbow?" I asked the Keelhauler when I first got it. "Yes, ya lesbian," he answered.) It's not a gayness flag--it's an actual arched, translucent rainbow. It looks like the one God sent when he flooded the Earth due to human badness, and promised not to do again, although it looks like he might have changed his mind with all this sea-level rising shit going on, and so what is THAT all about, mister?

I felt secure leaving Inky next to "END THIS WAR," the like-minded yet opposite-hued Volvo, so I was surprised when, on returning to my car, I almost got ranned over by the bitch driving it. Or bastard. It could have been a bastard--I was mostly concentrating on not looking like I was sprinting out of bumper range (to retain my perceived bank-exiting "coolness").

Some things you just can't look cool doing, however, like carrying a pizza. Try it, and you will see how quickly failure looms.

Anyway, I am happy to report that the situation de-escalated into a mere brush with ranning-over, being ranned-over, and I am fine. Nonetheless, I will still accept floral tributes, so send them ASAP to me c/o Spark and Foam. You will be supporting a good cause.

Star of the day. . .Sly Stone