There’s more light in my office today, although it took me a while to realize the cause of it. The view from my window, on Friday obscured by dying fronds from the Queen palms on the street, is today clear, affording me a view of the condominiums across the way. I had been looking at them for months through the palm fronds, but now I can see the windows, the irregular plaster of the balconies, and wonder who’s inside. It feels awkward, like the world got a haircut that needs to grow in a little before it looks right.

I spent the weekend in denial of deadlines, which was pleasant but unproductive. The natural result of my sloth is a sinking feeling of inertia, along with a mental review of people I know who are accomplishing more than I. (Note: that is almost everyone, so the review takes time.) I feel like I’m missing the key that will make my life make sense and forestall isolation and the feeling of futility that my artistic pursuits bring.

According to the “Yearly Transits and Progressions for Violet” chart I ordered in February, which lists planetary influences of supposed importance, the next several months should be fruitful. This is a time of courage, assertiveness, daring and personal power, it starts, adding that I “may” meet and interact with some strong, assertive males during this period. (I’m thinking that means Stephen Colbert or Samuel L. Jackson—either way, I’ll keep you posted.) This is a favorable time to take initiatives, map out strategies, meet the competition, and make changes. I have until December 1 to make these changes, so I should start by making a list.

I have one change in mind already, one I thought of on Saturday, when I was out sailing with the Keelhauler on the charter boat he sometimes crews. The boat skipped along before a stiff breeze, and I sipped the Bloody Mary the Keelhauler handed me upon my arrival, enjoying the ride. I thought of the way I sometimes go through experiences hoping to hurry and get it over with, so that I can go back home and be alone. If I hope to stave off isolation, it would seem to follow that I would seek to interact with others, and to be present (emotionally) for the events I attend. Otherwise, I’ll end up a crazy bird lady, blogging about the new nest of finches under the eaves.

Here are some other changes I can make before December 1, 2006:

• Get a decent haircut, to alleviate my Brenda Walsh bangs—the sooner the better, on that one


• Finish my freelance writing submission, ignored this past weekend


• Invite friends to dinner, instead of waiting for them to invite me


• Eliminate adverbs from my writing


• Buy new underwear


• Find a new job instead of complaining about my current job

Those are all the changes I can think of at the moment. I realize that they’re not what some might call important, or even meaningful, or even coherent. And if I change everything I plan to, I will likely not have anything to write about in this journal. Maybe I’ll turn into an effusive, marker-wielding SARK disciple, in love with my own boisterous process of recovery.

I will discuss these changes with the Keelhauler, at lunch. He’s sure to have some input, especially about the strong, assertive males who should be showing up at any moment.

And, here--my friend Karn has a new book out, so check it out and thrill to the knowledge of what your shoes are saying about you.

Star of the day. . .Ray Davies