My coworker phaser is currently set on STUN, but my finger is inching the knob--or the lever, maybe, and since the whole premise is imaginary, I'm going to make it a lever--over to INSTA-FRY. Without rehashing the dull details, I'll just change metaphors and state that this morning, the river of idiots overflowed its banks, and now, as Madge would say (albeit about a different liquid), I'm soaking in it.

Madge would actually say "YOU'RE soaking in it," I realize, but the power of the Idiot Flood is strong, and capable of washing away details like which pronoun someone used in a television commercial twenty years ago.

Speaking of pronouns, I overheard (despite the closed door and the groovy sounds of the Climax Blues Band on my CD player) my boss reference-checking the new graphic designer. I didn't hear the name, so I don't know if he hired Megan/Ashley from the other day, or the other chick--the one who called 43 times and sent three thank-you notes asking to be notified if there was anything she could do to "help the process along." Based on my boss's use of the pronoun "she," I can tell that he bounced the two guys out of the running, and I have a feeling I'm going to be working with the note-writer. Whatever. WHATEVER. [I'm smirking and nodding sarcastically in the direction of my boss's desk, which is behind a wall, and at any rate, he's not there.]

And... deep breath.

Here. Here is a hyacinth to contemplate:

CONTEMPLATION HYACINTH

Isn't it pretty? Yeah. You might also notice the Fake Relative Photo Cube displayed next to it. I got it at a thrift store and never changed the pictures, which allows me to claim a disparate group of slightly seedy people as my family. I'm sure they'd be proud to claim me as their own, especially since I've spent so much time giving them names and imagined histories.

The Keelhauler gave me that hyacinth more than a week ago, and it has since croaked, but I will recall its memory and contemplate it anyway, because that is my right as a... girl. I guess.

I guess.

Idiots.

Star of the day. . .the Pork Torta