Hold your head up (high!)

I was waiting in line at the post office to ship a book on sailing theory to Italy, staring at the elaborate, carved ponytail holder worn by the fine-boned woman in front of me, when I accidentally made eye contact with a very tall man with a tiny head. His head was noticeably tiny, and at first I thought, Well, maybe he�s just so tall that his head appears tiny�an optical illusion, say. But no. His head was just really tiny. His face, also: Tiny. Features concentrated in a little group at the front of his little head, like a cluster of sheep huddled in someone�s front yard.

Seeing him made me remember a Tiny Head Woman I saw at the Dark Pere Community Center craft show a couple of weeks ago. She was tall, I would say well over six feet, but what really made her stand out was the tiny head. Her head was actually even tinier than post office guy�s. I wish she could meet him, it would be so great! The newspaper would probably offer to enlarge and crop their wedding photo, so they�d fit in with the other couples. And see, now I�m going to hell, and so: sorry, anyone out there with a really tiny head. (Judy, for instance.) I apologize for my insensitivity, and blah blah blah, yes, I know I�m not perfect, I write about it here in detail every day, for Lord�s sake, so don�t get your bouffant all in an uproar.

Sometimes tall guys have enormous heads, like John Travolta, for instance. I don�t actually know how tall he is, now that I think of it, but his head is really big. Tom Hanks also has a really large head, but I�m no longer permitted to talk badly about him since my cousin�s fiancee�s brother started dating Tom Hanks�s niece. �He�s really nice, Violet,� I was admonished, and so even though I almost never mentioned Tom Hanks, and have never met either his niece or my cousin�s fiancee�s brother, I am No Longer Permitted To Rag On Tom Hanks (and his enormous bloated head). And anyway, how does relative, distant niceness�a rumor of niceness, really�add to or detract from the size of a perfect stranger�s head?

Survey says...!

Hey, you guys, I made this totally frivolous survey that you should all go take immediately, OK?

VIOLET'S MAGICAL POPULARITY-INDUCING SURVEY OF LOVE

It will instantly improve your life!

In which I ponder being happy all the time

Ha ha ha... I am just laughing (in print), having read Tahmi's latest entry, about dinner last night at the World of Lights. We were on our way with the Keelhauler and Mari to see the Asylum Street Spankers, and to save money had decided to eat beforehand at an expensive restaurant featuring decor that resembles the private dining car of an off-track betting czar. It is heavy on the tufted naugahyde and autographed celebrity headshots (oooo! Kenny Loggins!) and naturally I admire it very much and resent my parents' failure to introduce me at a young age to cocktail lounges and nightlife, Vegas style.

Tahmi begins her essay musing over whether others see her the same way she sees herself--a question I too think about, because I don't have a real clear idea of how I come off to people. It's like Tahmi read my mind, because she goes on to describe me in words simultanously very flattering and disturbing. It's so great! She makes me sound positively deranged, or at least manic-depressive. Schizophrenic? Let's go with "volatile," as that requires neither intervention nor medication. Volatile. Bonus: you can spell "La Violet" with the letters. (Or "Al Violet," but that sounds too much like an off-track betting czar for my comfort.)

I'm going to stick with Volatile, because at this point, without a bottle of something requiring a doctor's signature, it is unlikely that I will become even-tempered and jovial. I think the best I can hope for is to stay just north of "vindictive/despairing," and somewhere south of "manic/compulsively promiscuous." Any fluctuation within that range is acceptable. (You know: to me.)

What would it be like to be even-tempered, like Mari? Mari lived with her grandmother--a woman whose main form of communication is constant, pointed personal criticism--for fifteen years, and was able to retain a genuinely mellow temperament. It's eerie. No, it's not, it's admirable. I can't get through a four-minute car ride to the Von's without a little yelling. Sorry--without a little VOLATILITY.



Star of the day. . .
posted @ 3:14 p.m. on 12.14.04 before | after

|

She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......