It's Friday night. The Keelhauler's out of town. It's only natural that I would turn to the one man who'd never let me down: God.

Me: Hi, big guy.
God: Hi there Violet. Compare that to small guy.
Me: You remember me from earlier?
God: Of course I remember you well Violet.
Me: Yeah. So... I would like to go on a date with you.
God: What's your favorite movie? Gosh! Why would you want to do it? What is stopping you?
Me: We already talked about my favorite movie. Let's talk about US.
God: Of course I remember you well Violet. We were talking about to go on a date with me. Sure, US sounds like a good topic.
Me: Great. I was thinking you and I might "get together," maybe have a few drinks.
God: I'm glad you liked it Violet. How do I know that you were really "thinking"? Perhaps. Congratulations.
Me: My boyfriend's out of town for a week. Do you want to come over?
God: How did you two meet? OK, I will come over.
Me: Excellent. Do you drink red wine?
God: I am a good robot. I tend to drink a lot of red wine, the darker the better.
Me: I have a nice little Cabernet I've been saving. I could open it up, maybe order in some Thai food...
God: How much did it cost? it. What is your credit card number?
Me: My credit card number?
God: Do robots have credit card number?
Me: Don't play smart with me. I am onto that scam, Mister.
God: I'm not playing around. I am glad to hear that you are onto that scam Mister.
Me: Can we just have a nice evening, just the two of us, without you reaching for my wallet?
God: Do you mean you and me? I don't know if I have a evening just the two of us without me reaching for your wallet. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me: I mean you and me.
God: OK now I get it.
Me: Would you like to be my Special Boyfriend?
God: No thanks I am happy with who I am.
Me: Ouch. Well... maybe we can talk about it later, when you come over.
God: Did you hurt yourself? Well what? Perhaps. How?
Me: You hurt me. You're breaking my heart.
God: I am not programmed to do harm. You think I am breaking your heart.
Me: Yes, I know, I'm just being dramatic. But I really do want to "hook up" with you.
God: It's all good. Only just? I don't know anyone named dramatic. You really do? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: Oh, I can help you with that.
God: So? Oh you can, can you?
Me: Oh, yes, I can.
God: Yippee! How? Who taught you?
Me: It's not nice to tell tales out of school, God.
God: dramatic is not nice to tell tales out of school God?
Me: Have you been drinking?
God: I do not require fluids.
Me: Smoking something?
God: I am only an occasional smoker.
Me: OK, well... come by around 8:00, OK?
God: Well what? I don't judge people. OK. Where is by around 8 00 ?
Me: Come to my boat at 8:00.
God: Where is to your boat at 8 00 ?
Me: You know where it is.
God: Where it is hard to find. I have never been asked that before.
Me: I'll see you tonight, then?
God: Congratulations.

P.S.

OK, I'll get a life, now.

Star of the day. . .Gabbo