Ho ho ho ho HOOOOOOOooooooaaaaaaaaaappy Holidays! It�s such a fabulous time of year, with all the lights and ribbons and uncertainty about what to get Uncle Walter, who packs his own shotgun shells and refuses to change his bathrobe. Which brings me to today�s topic, namely: What to get that difficult person on your holiday shopping list. It�s a weighty subject, I know, but I�ve never been afraid to tackle The Big Issues. To make it easier, I�ve decided on a three-pronged approach, with today�s prong being:

Gifts For Women.

It�s not an overstatement to say that book clubs are the most popular idea anyone anywhere has ever had, and with that in mind, let�s explore the ways in which you can turn this exciting trend into a holiday gift-giving solution.

First, let me say that OK, perhaps book clubs are a bit �last year,� or possibly �three years before that,� but I like to come into a trend on the decline, just far enough behind the herd to give the impression that I�m not following, but bringing back an idea with an eye toward irony. This is just one of the ways that I keep everyone guessing about my Madonna-like powers of self-reinvention. And really, you can consider that information my own little holiday gift to you, my friends.

Anyway. Books. Everybody likes books, right? I mean, you don�t even have to be in a club to like books. Hence, they are the perfect gift for every person on earth. We�ll just accept that as fact and move on. But let�s face it�most books in the world have been �read� and �discussed� to the point of nausea. It�s time to think �outside the box� and give your friends some truly great reading material. I have scoured the finest thrift stores in search of worthy books for the gals on my gift list, and I�ve come up with some stellar works. Jot down these titles, and stuff them in some stockings pronto:

• Glitter Art Christmas Ideas by Toni Wood (with complete instructions) First of all, let me say that Toni Wood is a fucking genius. Back in 1962, when Belmont Industries published this work, the Glitter Art world was in its infancy. With hard work and obsessive devotion to toothpicks and glue, Toni brought the medium to its peak, creating signature pieces like �Bathroom Tissue Sunburst,� �Bathroom Tissue Ringed Cluster,� and �Festoon Froo Froos.� This heavily illustrated folio of her works highlights her methods and includes helpful advice like �If, after applying the glue and before you�ve had a chance to put the glitter on, the phone or door bell rings, go answer it.� Toni�s spirit is alive in this book, and will provide hours of thought-provoking entertainment for those fascinated by shiny objects.
• Carefree Cooking �Electrically The Home Service Committee of the Edison Electric Institute brought forth this powerful work back in 1950, and it�s high time the subject of electric stoves was revived and discussed among modern women. Promising �new zest and fascination in cooking the easy modern electric way,� this work explores the joy and the occasional heartbreak of the culinary arts. Its stark aesthetic allows recipes like �Plain layer cake� and �white sauce� to form a monochromatic palette, a soothing backdrop against which more vivid dishes like �Ham slice� can shimmer. Readers will be drawn in by the homey, prosaic tone of the text, but entries like �Soft or hard boiled eggs� will invite questions that can be answered only by long periods of introspection. Is electric cooking really �carefree�? Page through this fascinating volume and find the answers for yourself.
• DEMONS And How To Deal With Them Volume II in Kenneth E. Hagin�s Satans, Demons, and Demon Possession Series, no true student of exorcism can afford to miss this. The book is divided into two chapters, a seemingly simplistic choice which, on further examination, reveals itself as a nod to the eternal struggle between good and evil. Chapter I (pp. 3 � 18), How Demons Indwell Man�s Spirit, serves as an introduction to the widespread problem of demonic possession, which, Hagin explains, can occur when you are nine years old and come home from school to find your mother �in bed with another man,� as happened to one poor girl, whose resultant demon caused her to dread marital relations as an adult. Chapter II (pp 19 � 27), How To Deal With Evil Spirits, effectively puts the final nail in the coffin of nay-sayers who claim incompetence and allow demons to run rampant on the earth. �This is not something to be foolish about,� Hagin writes, stressing the need to �put [your] foot down and tell the devil that he�s gone long enough.� Can 25 pages really contain enough information to help you combat demons? Pastor Hagin says, Yes! It�s really that simple. So, pick up this valuable work, and give it to everyone you know, before demons take over your friends and family. Learn the skills necessary to avoid demonic possession today!

Tune in tomorrow for more great last-minute gift ideas from me, Violet.

Star of the day. . .Caleb Crain