I got a lesson in fire safety on Monday from The Keelhauler. Out of the blue, he outlined what he termed �The Three Most Popular Styles of Fire,� three classes of fire, easily remembered by memorizing a simple A B C:

Class A Fires that create ASH, i.e., solid fuel fires: wood, paper, cloth, heads of Barbie dolls, etc.

Class B Fires fueled by a liquid, which ties in with the B because liquid will BOIL. So, maybe like gas or oil or diesel fuel. And it is important to remember that the liquid isn�t actually boiling at the time of the fire, but you remember a Class B fire by thinking about the fact that liquid is capable of boiling. B.

Class C: I seem to have forgotten this one, but oh yes, now I remember. A Class C fire is an electrical fire, which seems to me like it should be a Class E fire, except for one small detail: There is no Class E, so it has to be Class C, for CIRCUIT.

�And those,� said The Keelhauler (who seemed to actually be napping at the time, so I don�t know how accurate any of this is) �are The Three Most Popular Styles of Fire.�

Tuesday morning, my department was treated to a lecture on safety delivered by Captain Doug, a jovial firefighter who spent more time imploring us always to tell our loved ones how much we care, and always to let someone know where we are, than instructing us on, say, proper use of a fire extinguisher. He told a long story about some kids who�d taken off in a car and gotten into a wreck; one of the boys had been in a special youth program for troubled teens, and worked with Captain Doug at Fire Camp. Captain Doug expressed surprise that this kid had been eligible for the Troubled program. �He was just too popular, too handsome,� he said, shaking his head, expressing wonder that he�d fallen in with a bad lot. (Apparently Captain Doug is unfamiliar with characters like John Dillinger.) He mentioned several times how �handsome� the kid was, but never once mentioned The Three Most Popular Styles of Fire. I knew, were the PowerPoint projector to implode at that moment, it might be up to me to determine which class of fire resulted, and I felt a small but distinct sense of power. �It�s a Class� C� fire!� I pictured myself yelling, herding everyone out into our designated meeting spot in the parking lot. �That means it�s electrical in nature!�

This morning, as it would happen, a gasoline tanker overturned on the freeway between me and work, causing a major delay which I was able to attribute, correctly, to a Class B fire.

Today, a group of us had a meeting over at the fire training tower, a site chosen for its entertainment potential. Captain Doug was there, and after a tour of the hazardous materials truck, invited us each to put on a heavy yellow coat and helmet, and put out propane-fueled fires with fire extinguishers. Naturally, I stepped up to volunteer.

With all this sudden emphasis on fire safety, I think it might be time to give you all a little quiz on the subject. Ready? It's really simple. Name the class of each fire:

1. A fire fueled by a telephone book soaked in 3-in-1 oil.

2. A fire fueled by live power lines falling into a keg of whiskey.

3. A helium-filled dirigible crashes into a log cabin.

Submit your answers!

Star of the day. . .Ray Bradbury