File under "why"

Items I discovered today while cleaning out a file drawer labeled REFERENCE, containing material left by my boss's predecessor upon his retirement three years ago

  • Two-paged exploration of the meaning behind the name “Kosovo,” by J. P. Maher, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus of Linguistics, Northeastern Illinois University;

  • Black and white photograph of Anita Hill’s face, printed on 8.5 x 11 glossy cardstock;

  • Sports section of the Santa Barbara News-Press, dated March 3, 1992, including an article headlined “Beach brawl was a freak incident”;

  • Two photocopies of an inexpertly drawn cartoon entitled “WORK WEEK,” illustrating the emotional effect of each day on Snoopy. (Highlight: Wednesday features a prone Snoopy under a lightning-emitting raincloud, with the caption “PLEASE LET ME DIE!” Note: omits Sunday.);

  • Photocopy of a handwritten note dated 12/17/91, reading, in part, and without explanation, “If that is the current situation how can he get his car in the carport?”;

  • Typed lyrics to what appears to be a rap commemorating the retirement of a former employee (includes the lines: “She likes to get down, at her favorite bar/after a few beers, she lit like a star”);

  • Motivational literature from a bank, entitled NINE KEYS TO SURVIVAL IN THE NINTIES, and including the following wisdom, punctuated exactly as it appears here: ABOVE ALL HOWEVER “QUALITY” SERVICE MUST REMAIN A HIGH PRIORITY AND CUSTOMER LOYALTY RECOGNIZED CONTINUALLY. With that kind of mission statement, I imagine they were a leading bank of the ninties.

  • Eight sets of lyrics from a song attributed to the Capitol Steps, backed by an order form for their LPs and cassettes;

  • The August 1982 issue of Lodging Hospitality magazine, filled with great ads targeted at hotel owners, the best of which feature: 1) unitard-clad male acrobats; 2) an apparently nude guy in a bathtub; 3) a gorilla in a three-piece suit; 4) an overweight balding guy clenching a cigar in his teeth, sitting on a bed, and pretending to box with the television image of Sugar Ray Leonard.



Star of the day. . .Leona Helmsley
posted @ 2:53 p.m. on August 24, 2005 before | after

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She lay awake all night

waiting for assistance