In which there is something to say

Hello, beautiful friends, and welcome to another edition of Coworker Corner, a new feature I just made up to suit my purposes.

Today, we will explore the psyche (or the imagined contours thereof) of a coworker I call Constant Comment.

Constant Comment is an attractive young lady whose fashionable appearance is marred only by her grating speech pattern (a clipped, raspy patois I call The Quack) and apparent unfamiliarity with the concept of the unexpressed thought.

It is possible that she thinks things she does not say, but I cannot imagine what they might be, so minute are the details she finds worthy of comment. Hence the name. ("Constant Comment," for those of you who've forgotten already.)

By way of example, I will reveal that today my path crossed with that of Constant Comment's, and we ended up in the ladies' room at the same time. I immediately entered a stall and shut the door, a signal that failed to deter her from yelling, "Looks like someone dumped a bunch of mascara!" into the room. It is exactly the kind of cryptic remark for which she is known: loudly voiced, and inscrutable, designed to elicit comment from bystanders. I passive-aggressively ignored her, which didn't silence her flow of information about the food she had eaten for breakfast, her intended lunch, and the startling revelation that she has started looking at the recommended serving sizes listed on packaged foods, in order that she eat only one serving of any given food. I almost passed out from boredom, but the thought of my head hitting the bathroom floor kept me alert until I was able to unlatch the door and escape.

When I emerged, I washed my hands and, upon throwing away the paper towl I dried my hands on, happened to glance into the trash. There, on top of the other crumpled towels, was one with a smear of black brush marks. Someone had apparently wiped off a mascara brush onto a paper towel, which they then tossed into the trash can. I did not immediately announce the news into the relative privacy of the ladies' room, preferring to share this great news here, where it can do the most good.

In other news, I need some costume ideas for a show my band is playing on Halloween. Right now, I am voting that we dress up as KISS, or else members of a circus. I am open to other suggestions.

Star of the day. . .Louella O. Parsons
posted @ 1:55 p.m. on October 27, 2008 before | after


She lay awake all night,