I have a very busy day lined up for myself--celebrating Flag Day, applying nail varnish, several meetings of some type or another, and rolling the nickels from my Barney piggy bank.

"But Violet!" you're saying, "How is it that you don't crack under the strain?!"

I thank you for your concern, and by way of answering I will brandish THIS! Except for the guy currently watching me through binoculars from his balcony across the way, none of you will be able to see the object I am displaying, but that should not diminish the experience.

Close your eyes... no, wait. Keep your eyes open, or you will not be able to read this.

Keep your eyes open and envision the most luxurious beauty product ever devised. What are you picturing? It doesn't matter, because this supersedes them all.

I happened upon it in a drugstore when, pressed for time and in need of shaving my legs, I grabbed a package of disposable razors with handles in a range of pleasing green hues. This morning, upon opening them, I noticed a citrusy fragrance and looked closer at the package. What were these magical objects? BIC Soleil Citron with citrus-scented handles. Everything went dark, and then light again, and then back to dark as I inhaled the exquisite aroma of my new lemon-scented disposable razors. Was life ever meant to be this glorious?

I inserted several extra quarters in the slot and shouted down the truckers who complained about the long wait as I showered in sublime freedom, the power of citrus guiding me as I razed the hair from my calves.

Do you know what this means? I will never again use perfume, for I cannot bear to let anything compete with my lemony-fresh legs! And underarms! Which reminds me: did I apply deodorant today? Who CARES? My ankles smell like Tuscany!

Go now and indulge in the wonder that is the Bic Soleil Citron.

They are also available with a lavender scent, but that's for wet nurses and newspaper-hoarding soap-watchers. Buy the CITRON. It will set you FREEEEEEEE!

Star of the day. . .George B. Mair