In which I finally discover what my "problem" is

If I could count, I might have a pretty good idea of how many times in my life people have demanded to know what my "problem" is. That's totally separate from the queries regarding my "damage" or even, in a rare case or two, my "ish."

And yet, in all the time I've spent being harangued, frequently by strangers yelling from passing cars, not once have I come up with a suitable answer.

"What's your problem?"

Yeah. Could be a lot of things. Slow response time. Limited vocabulary. Lack of self-awareness, combined with inappropriate footwear. I've had no shortage of time to wonder, but little guidance, and as at least part of my problem involves an attention span like a chinchilla's, I've never been able to pinpoint the exact nature of my Problem. "What's your problem, Violet?" My friend--I cannot say.

Until today, that is, when I discovered the greatest tool for self-development since Mary Kay. It'll seem simple to you, but once you take the great mystical color quiz, you'll wonder at the mysteries it reveals.

The entire test took about two minutes, during which I picked a series of colors, according to the directions. After a brief waiting period, I learned the answers to several important areas of concern in my life, but they all paled in comparison to the last topic, titled:

YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM

Now, see... that seems a little personal for a color quiz. I figured I'd click on a couple colored blocks and the screen would say "You like friends and relaxing times at home" or something, but no. It looked deeper than that, deeper than my affinity for Boston lettuce and Porter Wagoner music, and analyzed the things that trouble my soul.

Here is what it said my Actual Problem is, ready?

Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.

Now, that is a problem.

--------------------------------------

In which I am a tangle of nerves

Things I have learned of late:

  1. Dario, the guy from the Union, does not enjoy to have the term "needlessly aggressive" applied to him by me.

  2. I had "such beautiful long hair" before I went and cut it, in the opinion of a certain coworker

  3. Chavis does not enjoy my new template, feeling that it resembles the e-mail messages sent by a particularly deranged secretary in another department, full of various fonts in various colors. But this one, I don't care so much about, because the Ladies seem to like my new template, and what am I? That's right. I am all about making the Ladies happy. Rolls will also be served.

  4. Sometimes, when you write a particularly vehement diary entry and click the "put this in my private folder," the essay does NOT go into your private folder, even though it SAYS it is in your private folder. And so how about that.

  5. That seems to be all I've learned recently.

Anyway, I had a deeply vivid dream last night in which I was standing on the dock at night, and a tsunami swept in, slowly carrying me over the top of the gate and onto a set of train tracks. I was with a lot of other people, and we were all being swept along the tracks, passing trains as we went. Some of the people in the wave-train had flashlights and were signaling to the passing trains, hoping to avoid collision. How's THAT for a disaster! I'll see your tsunami and raise you one train wreck! I don't remember how it ended. Does it matter? It's not like it's going to be on CNN; it was a dream.

In other news, one of my friends here just used this "Magnetic Poetry" board to spell out the following concept:

BETWEEN YOU AND ME
VIOLET IS GOOD &
SHE BRINGS TRUTH TO
SIMPLE PEOPLE

So far, this day has been a bit of a wash (perhaps that is what the Dream Tsunami represents!) but it could be worse. Instead of "bumming out" and becoming a "drag," I'm going to brighten my spirits by listening to the great soundtrack from "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken," sent to me at no charge by Mr. Al Perry.

Thanks, Al.



Star of the day. . .
posted @ 4:00 p.m. on February 02, 2005 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......