In which I momentarily consider changing my ways

Daaaaaaaaaaaamn, I am all sugared-up on Dots, with a little caffeine in there for good measure, listening to the morning sounds of the garbage trucks and cars outside, wondering when, exactly, I'm going to get myself together and finish the dozen or so projects I'm begun. It's tempting, here in the eleventh month, to set my sights on the fresh page of Next Year, but of course, I said that last year, and by this time, I know a cop-out when I see one.

Maybe I'm just a little melancholy because the Keelhauler and I went to another wedding over the weekend--the fourth in two months--and while I have no specific compulsion to become a bride, I envy the couple their ability to make a decision about the next phase in their lives, a decision I have been putting off for the last four years or so. At a certain point, lassitude fails to be charming, and I feel that I'm at that point. I don't want to turn into Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed and Confused, lolling around the high school and working for the City.

"You're not going to get magic answers from the sky!" my 9th-grade math teacher, Mr. Stanley, used to tell us as test time approached. He meant that we needed to study, but the rule still applies. There are no magic answers from the sky, but I haven't lost my faith that in their absence, I can count on the person sitting next to me allowing me to cheat off him. In that way, I have always gotten by.

So, back to the wedding. It started at 12:30, a beautiful afternoon by the sea, very civilized. We'd made tentative plans to meet up with Mathrock and Sweetheart later, but at 7:30, I called them to say we had stopped by the groom's boat for a cocktail, when I heard the engine start up, and realized we were leaving the dock. The Keelhauler tossed the docklines aboard, and off we went, into the gusty wind and chop. In the dark. Woo-hoo! Drunk people on the bow! Ai yi yi. At one point, I emerged from the cabin and realized no one was at the helm, so I took over, but the trip was blessedly short-lived. The bride had wisely opted to stay ashore, so the crew consisted of a lot of drunk hoodlums, and me. (Note my attempt to distance myself from the drunk hoodlums, which is really more of an insult to the hoodlums.) The party continued back at the dock, with lots of singing ("Free Ride," "Slow Ride," all the rides), the spanking of an inordinately handsome party guest by me, some attempted pole dancing, using the mast as said pole, and a lot, lot, lot of delicious, free wine.

The Keelhauler being the responsible one, was my designated driver, and so after departing the boat, leaving the remaining hoodlums singing along to the Beach Boys in the cockpit, he conducted Inky, my trusty station wagon, to Mathrock and Sweetheart's house. They were notably far behind in the intoxication process, but made a good attempt, which included a bottle of almond Champagne, a drink I never, ever have to try again.

The next morning, Sweetheart made us crepes filled with asparagus, mushrooms and spinach, and the Keelhauler and I headed back down south to our own abode. "Three things I can't believe you did last night," the Keelhauler said, "One: Drove the boat when the wind was howling like it was. Two: Invited an underage blonde girl to your band's next show, and told her you could fix the raffle so she'd win. Three:..."

"Spanked Brandon?" I asked, glossing over the underage girl element.

"No," he answered, having no trouble believing I did that.

I think the third thing was that I suggested that the Keelhauler beat up one of the wedding guests so that I could take his ring, which I was coveting. (The Keelhauler declined, incidentally, so, bummer for me.)

It is possible that this season, the season of death and rebirth, in the house of Scorpio, will bring about a change in me, but I can't imagine what is coming next. And in the meantime, there are boats to drive and boys to spank and girls to corrupt. Hopelessly immature, this waiting for magic answers from the sky.

And what of it, you?



Star of the day. . .Johnny Depp
posted @ 10:22 a.m. on November 13, 2006 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......