I have a new obsession, a completely ludicrous one, which is: the pair of knee-high ultra-excellent boots I found at a thrift store, priced at $39.99, which did not fit me, despite much hopping in the aisles on my part. (hop. hop.) They were a full size too small, but I tried, and then admitted failure. I've been obsessing over them ever since, but my mania took an uptick when I just looked them up online and saw that they retail for $480. So, I cannot have them.

So, I am making a deal with myself: I can buy the boots with the paycheck I get from the sale of my first book. The book is at the "proposal" stage, so my estimage is that I will acquire these boots around the year 2,000,000, assuming the boot company is still offering that design, and hasn't switched over to rocket-powered footwear, assuming humans still have feet in the future, instead of the glittery tentacles I always envision.

I just realized that I typed the word "estimage" in the previous paragraph, rather than "estimate." I like "estimage" better, pronounced in la mani�re fran�aise, bien sur, et zut alors. Esti-MAZH. Perhaps my first book should be some form of dictionary. I can be very free with the spelling, and give license to others to do the same.

Those boots, though, back to those boots. They are low in the heel, high in the... top part, the part that makes them boots, which is black suede. The shoe part is black leather. I want them right now!

My inability to postpone satisfaction reminds me of an incident that happened when I was a child, and my loud and repeated requests for my father's attention caused the saleslady in the men's department, with exaggerated false politeness, to inquire as to whether or not my father had happened to catch "Willy Wonka" on tv the previous night, because I reminded her so of Veruca Salt. She did not state the character's name, but it was crystal clear which one she meant. I was punished before we hit housewares, but no matter--I called back later that day, pretending to be my mother, and claimed that she'd pinched me, in an effort to get her fired.

Anyway, it's Halloween, it suddenly occurs to me, Halloween. I am not in costume today, except in a very general sense, in which I'm masquerading as a competent office worker.

I am masquerading as someone who has those boots, but just isn't wearing them at the moment.

Star of the day. . .Veruca Salt, who was misunderstood