1. The fight I am currently in with the Keelhauler, which started last night when I ostensibly interrupted him, causing him to snidely say he'd call me back when I was listening to what he had to say. (Illogical.) I told him not to call back until he is ready to apologize, so I will likely never hear from him again.


2. The stain on my new white shirt, caused by (I think) a tomato seed.


3. The dreadfully unhealthy lunch I am eating, which contained aforementioned tomato seed. I console myself by saying that the same thing could have happened, had I chosen a salad instead of the ridiculous sandwich I'm eating, but oh, that is cold comfort, indeed.


4. The bags under my eyes, possibly caused by stubborn mascara, probably brought on by the dog I'm sitting this week, who enjoys to sleep in the exact center of the bed, so that there is not enough room for me. He growls when I try to move him, and when I finally do eke out enough space to lie down, he smothers me so that it is one million degrees in the bed. If I close him out of the room, he bays. (He is some kind of hound.)


5. The e-mail I got first thing this morning from someone I barely know, who works in our main office, which contained the following query (previously answered at length by me):

   DID BONNIE CONTACT THE COMPLAINANT????

   In my response, which was highly polite, I gently suggested that she refrain from the all-caps and multiple punctuation marks, as it indicates yelling. I got this response:

   Hey, hey, hey, I would hope you know better than that!

   Whatever.



6. My crazy aunt Carol, who, after my grandmother died, took off with all the silver and jewelry, including the one thing I wanted, which was a large, beautiful Italian shell cameo framed in a simple 18k gold band.


7. Local Life section writer Starshine, whose column this week touts the "trend" of giving fake, easily spelled names to the barista at Starbuck's, because as she puts it, "There's something pathetic about carrying a paper coffee cup with your name scrawled across it--and misspelled." I guess if your name is Starshine, that's a legitimate concern. Then, however, she goes on to report that she's given the names Tallulah, Paisley and Condoleezza at Starbuck's, and while she's tasted the "delight at having pulled a fast one on the aproned hipsters behind the counter," each name came back misspelled on the cup. Um, yes... Isn't the whole point that you're trying to avoid misspellings? Way to pull a fast one, Starshine.


8. Everything else.

Things I am happy about

1. My Reggae Name: Sister Saw


2. My participation in the Carpinteria Independence Day parade (date: July 1) as part of the eight-member Island Brewing Company Precision Drill Team (total practice time: 1 hour).


3. The little girl dog I'm sitting this week, who is sweet and does not hog the bed.


4. My new necklace, made by my friend Linda, which incorporates a beautiful old cameo that I love. I think it's coral. (See illustration)

   Illustration:

   

5. The Yoko Kanno CD sent to me by Mehiel, which is helping to make this very dull Monday fly by.


6. Tomorrow's holiday. U! S! A! ... U! S! A!
7. Cafix, the caffeine-free herbal coffee alternative of hottness.
8. Kittens