Spring back! Fall ahead! But whatever you do, don't fail to get in on Violet Visions Bonus Time! It happens only fifteen times a year, and you won't want to miss out on this one. It is extremely special. If you spend only $23, you'll get our Premiere Freebie Pack of Greatness, which includes...

• Dire Emergency Eyelid Hose-Down Foam


• Blinding Lip Schmeer in "Funky Broadway"--flattering to all skin tones


• two free plastic "unbreakable" combs

All encased in a crystal-clear lightweight plastic Fashion Sac with re-sealable top.

Here at Violet Visions, we know we can't compete with the big girls like Clinique or Lancome, but we'll get our foot in the door on the sheer power of my genius new retail concept. Listen in: Owing to a lack of retail space or warehouse facilities or laboratories in which to mix cosmetics, I have had to devise an insanely brilliant marketing scheme, which consists of me purchasing discount cosmetics at Rite-Aid, re-naming them according to my whims, which change like the breeze, and selling them to you, gorgeous thing, at a teeny teeny slight minimal mark-up amounting to no more than 400%.

As an example, please peruse my newest flyer for Violet Stains Troubled Youth Nail Varneesh. Then, tell me which one you like, and I'll go to Rite-Aid and buy it for you, and send it, for a minimal charge.

I think you'll like this new Spring 2005 line of Nail Varneesh--I've re-named the hues after evocative B-movies available from Something Weird. Find the one that calls to your glamorous vixen soul--they cost $22 apiece--and give me a shout! The rest is cake, and we all want cake, don't we, angels?

Choose from:

• Fiend of Dope Island
• Rent a Girl
• Revenge of the Virgins
• Jennie Wife-Child
• Mantis in Lace
• Meat Rack
• Nude on the Moon

And don't forget... spice up your Spring Flings with a spritz of my signature fragrance, violet blisters.

Shower your beautiful self with a splash of this magical elixir and you will automatically get laid twice a week for up to eleven weeks.

In a row.

Star of the day. . .Estee Lauder