So, it seems that the sun has creaked around the Earth for one more cycle, or however that works, bringing us to another October Fourth, which among many lesser things, is also my birthday.

Before I get too far into it, I suggest a little review of my strengths, as outlined in The Secret Language of Birthdays by Goldschneider and Elffers.

STRENGTHS AS OUTLINED IN THE BOOK (WHICH IS TOTALLY ACCURATE)

• Tasteful


• Socially adept


• Humorous

Also noted is the fact that those born on October 4th are �deeply human,� with an �ironic perspective.� I believe this holds true, as evidenced by other October 4th people, e.g., Pancho Villa. In particular, I like to think that he recognized the irony of being shot to death in his car after he had retired.

The book also lists a series of flaws or perceived weaknesses, but I don�t like to put a lot of faith in airy-fairy metaphysical hoo-ha, so I�m blowing that part off.

Each year older I get, I give myself a little task, which is to shed one piece of baggage or put to rest one long-held fantasy. I will need to live to be 396 years of age to completely rid myself of it all, but one of my strengths is Optimism. And that brings me to this year�s task.

A friend asked me recently, �Violet, why do you lie about your age?� I answered like this: �I do not lie about my age.� The truth is, I DO lie about my age. It�s just one of many, many things I lie about, although unlike income tax or hair color, this one matters to some people. Why would someone I know care how old I am? I cannot say. Why would someone I know steal my identity and rob a 15-unit roadside motel in Nevada? I cannot say, but these things happen. I roll with the changes.

Thinking about it, I realized that I have many reasons to lie about my age. Allow me to illuminate one or two of them for you. It�s my little birthday gift to you. You�re welcome.

REASONS I LIE ABOUT MY AGE

• I think that the years I spent on the Canadian motocross circuit should not count towards my age. Those were hard times and some wild living, and although I made some great friends and one or two possibly legal marriages, really, those days are better erased from the Great Book of Violet.


• I want my friends to believe that the hip jazz musician lingo I employ is fun and ironic, rather than a holdover from hanging out in speakeasies drinking bathtub gin in the early �30s.


• The TV tells me to do it.


• Complicated family tree makes me my own grandmother (embarrassing).


• I froze my age in 1991, to protest the first Gulf War.


• I like the uncertain look people get on their faces when they realize I�ve apparently been the same age for eleven years.


• My mother lies about her age, and pays me to do the same.


• How is this your business, again?


• It�s fun.


• I feel that my meager list of personal accomplishments is better attributed to someone perceived as still in grade school.


• My status as Bride of Christ requires that my age be kept secret.


• I am a lying, lying snake in the grass. Watch out! Sssss! Sssssssss!

OK, and so that premise has, as is the Spark and Foam custom, been bled dry of all humor and tossed over the side.

Happy birthday to you all, whenever that day may be.

Star of the day. . .ME, Violet