I was perfectly happy with my old employee picture, but for some reason, we're having them taken again. We all lined up in the conference room, with the added embarrassment of having all your coworkers watch you smile like a goon while the dude tries to figure out how to operate the camera. They didn't give us free unbreakable combs, something I remember from grade-school picture day, but the humiliation was familiar.

Another element of familiarity: being certain that the photo will turn out swell, and finding out how wrong I was. We already have our new ID badges, and I'm finding it hard to look directly at mine, it is so hideous. The attempt at smiling prettily somehow was recorded on film as a deranged, grinning troll. I had a similar experience with my last driver's license: I was certain it was going to be the best picture ever taken of me. I even had on these excellent magical sparkly green barrettes. And it was my birthday. There was no way to know that those elements would add up to the giant freakshow that is my driver's license photo: a tangle of gigantic hair and staring, crazy eyes.

I think it's time for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm just ugly. Ugly. Eh, I'm fine with that, as long as I have these Mallo-Mars.

In other news, I seem to be on the same bathroom schedule with a coworker. It happens from time to time--it's usually this girl Alison, who works downstairs. Except this time, it's Jimmy, who also works downstairs, but who is a guy. It's weird to be on the same bathroom schedule as a guy. It feels like we're secretly dating.

I'll make sure to bring that up to him next time I go towards the bathroom. Then, I'll show him my new ID badge and, if he's lucky, my driver's license. Who's lookin' good today, Jimmy? Aw, yeah. It's me.