After a long bout of procrastination, I've decided to fill out my application for the graphic design job here at Houptigon Enterprises. The applications are due on Friday by 5:00, and so I've successfully pushed it til nearly the last second, of which I am very proud.

I had intended to fill it out (including the long and detailed "supplemental questionnaire") but became distracted by several involved projects on the boat. In a way, that can be considered unsuccessful procrastination, in that I was productive in another venue. True procrastination, in my view, involves no actual work. I, on the other hand, finished three long-standing projects, the details of which I cannot divulge because they are a surprise for the Keelhauler. He's recently learned how to access the Hinternet from off-shore, and reads my updates, so I have to be careful not to reveal, for example, my ongoing love affair with Edmund, and our plans to embezzle the Keelhauler's trust fund and buy sable coats.

I finally buckled down and started to work on the daunting "supplemental questionnaire." First, I opened a new Word document. Next, I typed "Supplemental Questionnaire" at the top, and chose (after a brief search) an appropriate sans-serif font. Better sans-serif, I think, for instant legibility. Then, I hit "enter" twice, to give the document a feeling of airiness and light. Decisions like these are only a small fraction of what makes me a stellar graphic designer.

I looked upon my document with pride, then realized I should add my name to it and, placing the cursor before the S in Supplemental, I created yet another paragraph, and typed:

Violet White

I went back and forth, wrestling with the issue of whether or not to include a middle name or initial:

Violet V. White

Does the period in the middle create pleasing symmetry or detract from the message?

Uncertain, I went back and typed:

Violet Victoria White

Why, I don't know. Victoria isn't even my middle name, but it emits a powerful aura of success, so I left it in.

I finally felt ready to begin. I took a deep breath, consulted the job listing, and typed:

Supplemental Questionnaire

Time for a break! Luckily, my coworker Kate brought by an informative picture book on tall ships, which I perused for an hour, imagining myself at the helm, navigating the coast of New England with a hold full of sable coats and grape-sized Tahitian pearls.

But there was only so much time for recreation: I had to get back to the task at hand, which was: pondering the ill fortune that requires me to work for a wage. Starting several generations back, when the family were making their fortunes in Hawaiian pineapple, I reviewed and assigned blame to each party responsible for squandering the family fortune on ill-founded religious institutions and travel.

Lunchtime approaching, I knew time was running short, so I returned to the Supplemental Questionnaire and after several minutes of staring, added a delicate line to the top of the page, to serve as both an anchor and a frame for the words that surely, surely will follow at some point, I hope before Friday at 5:00.

Star of the day. . .Edward Gorey