The Land of Um

I had written the first paragraph of an entry about the great day we had yesterday, taking our new (to us) sailboat Glory out with nine friends, and I still plan to write that, but first, a small sidetrack of irritation:

One of my more incompetent coworkers is a tense, neurotic woman I have tried (and failed) to like, based largely on her tendency to explain minor issues like misplacing a file in a terse, panicked tone. I've written about her before, but I can't remember her code name, so I'm going to call her Sherri for today. Sherri gives great weight to each word she speaks, including the word "um," which she says frequently and pronounces as if it were not a verbal crutch but the name of some powerful and touchy deity. A typical phone call might sound like this:

"Um. Violet. I. just. wantedtoWARN. you... Um. We have A SITUATION and. Um. Everyone is PANICKING." And then it will turn out that, like, a light switch in her office doesn't work. She speaks with her mouth very close to the phone, so her voice is loud and urgent, and I have yet to care about a single thing she's ever said. Until today.

Sherri came by my desk to give me a very crucial (i.e., totally not crucial) piece of paper, which she handed over with an intense stare while announcing the name of the document ("Um. Updated. Employee. ROSTER. [prolonged stare]") I avoided her gaze until I could take a deep breath, which caused her to believe that I was crying, which further sent her into Panic Mode.

When I cleared up the confusion and mustered the energy to feign politeness, she announced that she had taken a job in another department--a fact I already knew but hadn't mentioned out of apathy. I congratulated her.

"Um. Violet. I heard that [my new position] is paid more than [your position]."

I stared at her.

"That's what Kirstie told me," she continued. Kirstie has the same job as I do, so I imagine it's true, but... Um. Why. Tell. Me?

She went on for a bit, explaining that she didn't know WHY her new position would pay more than mine (a question I am seriously pondering at this moment), and waiting to see if maybe I would know the reason. I don't know the reason. I no longer care about the reason. I want a new job, far, far away from Sherri, in the land of Um, existing in Panic Mode with her high-paying (yet subordinately titled) position.



Star of the day. . .Celia Cruz
posted @ 5:52 p.m. on August 15, 2005 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......