In which my elegance increases by leaps and bounds

Last night, we went to Giuliana�s house for dinner, and to look at the books she�s discarding. When we arrived and knocked on her Chinese red door, she called, �Well, come in, already!� and we did, side-stepping Ani, her bichon frisee, standing on hind legs and begging us to play ball. Giuliana was surrounded by stacks of books, and books lay on every horizontal surface. �I�m giving away all the books on the front porch,� she told us, and so after dinner, we each picked up a box to cart across the street. �Wait!� called Giuliana, and then to the Keelhauler, �Do you mind if I just feel your ass?� She thinks the Keelhauler is very cute, which he is, and she is extremely lavish with her praise. He stood patiently in the doorway while she assessed his ass and told him how spectacular it is, and then he and I left with the books.

We bypassed a lot of Hermann Hesse and Graham Greene, and while the Keelhauler browsed, I was drawn to a book called Elegance, copyright 1964, by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux, and subtitled A Complete Guide for Every Woman Who Wants to be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions. I�m a woman! I want to be well and properly dressed! Clearly, this book was meant for me.

I�ve only just begun paging through, but check out the useful information I�ve gleaned so far!

  • If you are five feet tall and weigh 130 pounds, it is better to put away your flat-heeled shoes until the weekend.

  • Amusing jeweled pins in the form of animals, blackamoor heads, tortoises, butterflies, etc., are smart when worn on a suit.

  • It is always a good idea to wear beige shoes.

  • If you are over 5� 9� and no more than 120 pounds, you can indulge yourself in the pleasure of enormous cloaks.

  • Intellectual jewelry is sometimes amusing but very seldom pretty.

  • One can find bargain nutria, amethysts, and aquamarines in Uruguay.

  • Making a public appearance with a baby panther or an orangutan�even a very intelligent one�is incompatible with the discreet behavior of an elegant woman.

You can see how valuable a reference this book is. I feel myself becoming more elegant with every paragraph! I hope to pass along more gems of wisdom to you, so that by my example, we may all grow in refinement, togethaaaaaaaah.

The weather outside is frightful

This game is for two players. I learned it in Minneapolis. You're going to like it, ready?

First, pick a partner. Stand so that your faces are no more than eight inches apart. Now, decide who goes first. That person screams as loud as he or she can, directly into the other person's face. Then, the other person takes a turn. Repeat! And repeat! And repeat.

I've never actually played this game, but I watched a match, and it sure looked like fun. The contestants were Moniquah & Steve's two-year-old son, Loki, and his two-year-old friend, Skip. They were so good at this game. They never even cracked a smile. One would scream, then they'd both silently assess the timbre and decibel level. Then, the other would scream, and another assessment would happen. They're both really young, so the screaming wasn't that loud, and I'm the first to admit that it takes little to entertain me, so I was happy.

We were all at Loki's birthday party, so there was plenty of activity outside the screaming to hold the attention. A friend was playing songs on the guitar, Charli was knitting a yarmulke, Steve was showing me his latest paintings, and Moniquah was talking to a woman who mis-heard my name as "Joe," and then shrugged when corrected. The Keelhauler was hammering together a set of shelves. There was a lot going on, so when I heard a loud knocking at the door, I considered that the neighbors were coming to ask us to pipe down.

Moniquah opened the door to three solemn-faced visitors, and then I knew it was the neighbors. They clearly were not there to party.

Except that... it turns out, they were! The visitors were Steve's parents and brother, with an armful of presents for Loki, who was immediately captivated by a new collection of little metallic race cars.

The trio didn't stay long, and when they departed, the noise level went back to its previous volume. We were all talking, having a little wine, when suddenly Charli stepped forward and exclaimed, "Steve, your mom gives me the CREEEEEEEEEEEEEPS!", raising her face to the ceiling to indicate the extreme height of the creeps she was experiencing. I did not laugh out loud, but I saved the moment for later, to mull over privately, in this online journal, with all of you, my friends.

Steve laughed his distinctive chuckle, and I believe said something like, "Oh, I know." He has a pronounced midwestern accent, where everything sounds jovial, even when he's talking about worms or entrails. No one seemed startled by Charli's comment, and hell, I'm not one to spoil the party, so the conversation just went on from there.

I wandered into the kitchen to locate what Moniquah referred to as "sugary cake," and paused to look at the snowy evening outside and listen to the laughter coming from the other room.



Star of the day. . .
posted @ 4:41 p.m. on 12.16.04 before | after

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She lay awake all night,

zzzzzzzzzzz......