I'm finished with all my Christmas shopping--are you proud of me? Yeah. Me, too. Everyone this year will be getting gifts that I either found or bought at the Dark Pere, Wisconsin Community Center Craft Fair last weekend. You would not believe the bounty of yarn-related items these midwesterners can crank out for pennies, and I swooped in in my DKNY microfiber and laid waste to the inventory.

Here are some of the things that my lucky, lucky friends and relatives can look forward to come Yuletide:

1. Yarn Poodles! Your heart will spring wide open with a loud crash when you see these darling poodles made from bundles of yarn tied with more yarn, in vague, poodley shapes. Glued-on googley eyes and tiny red felt tongue add a startling degree of realism to these otherwise inert objects. Available in shades of periwinkle, black and white, I opted to buy all of them for the bargain price of $1.00 apiece. Yay, Yarn Poodles!
2. Industrial-Modern Bird Loft! A coat of fragrant yellow spray-paint transforms an ordinary coffee can into a bold statement of the owner's style and thrift. The ends of the can have been removed and replaced with half-moons of plywood, forming a shallow trench for birds to lounge in minimalist splendor. The loft hangs from a hand-bent loop of heavy-gauge wire secured by a bolt and nut. Comes with a Zip-loc bag of sunflower seeds and its own masking-tape price tag ($3.50), which I plan to leave attached, as a statement about the over-commercialization of Christmas.
3. Finger Skates! How complete was my joy upon discovering the Finger Skates--two delicate ice skates, two inches high, crafted of heavy plastic mesh needle-pointed with yarn to resemble skates. (Bonus: the blades are needlepointed in silver!) Each skate features a large red pompom, and they are attached with a silver cord for inseparability. It is extremely fun to put the skates on your fingers and skate around. Imagine my despair when I discovered that only one pair existed! I bought it, of course--it would have been cheap at twice its price (of ten cents).
4. Dark Pere "Keepsake" Calendar! Again... I bought the last one. I can see why this calendar, which technically chronicles the months of January - December 2004, hence its status as a "keepsake," would be popular. For one thing, it features TWO Februaries! Bargain. Also, the same picture of the "Dark Pere Nine," a baseball team consisting of 25 people or so in its 1908 lineup, shows up on two consecutive months. Another wonderful photo of a now-nonexistent bank inadvertently includes an advertisement for a dandruff remedy, painted on the adjacent storefront. Isn't it comforting to know that people faced the same scalp-related challenges back then? It sure is!

Well, there are many more surprises, and I really look forward to sharing them with my loved ones on Christmas. In addition, I have contracted with the Dark Pere Ladies' Aid for a gross of the Yarn Poodles and many other items. I'll be selling them at a reasonable price, come next November, so stay in touch, y'all.

Star of the day. . .